Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Talk Back: Tales From The Vibrator

"We had recently purchased a butt plug and after cleaning it had left it out on the bathroom counter to dry. We have two kittens who get into trouble all the time and are always walking off with things of ours. One evening, while my parents were over for dinner our cat walks down with the butt plug in it's mouth and jumps up into my fathers lap! My fiance I wanted to die! It was a horrible experience!"

Martha H.


"I rented a movie titled "Misty Beethoven" and played it at my Mother's restaurant...after closing hours. Well, On Wednesdays, my Mother shows movies.....and sure enough, she saw the title Beethoven and played it on her big screen. Immediately she went into the kitchen while the movie started and customers came running to her saying "Maria, what are you doing??? She went out and saw the XXX MOVIE playing and shut it off. Boy, did I have some explaining to do. I told her I saw it and thought it was "Beethoven" and thought she might like it. Whew!!"

Gene


"Well, it was about 2 years ago I was at home and feeling kind of uneasy I had at the time this cute little poodle named Webster well he was a very hyper dog plus he loved to get into things anyway I had just got through pleasuring myself with my bullet that I had just bought 2 days before well the door bell rang and I put on my clothes to go see who it was it was my mom so she had brought over one of her friends and we were sitting on the couch talking well I have a very long hallway and a big entertainment room well all of a sudden here comes my dog with the control of my bullet in his mouth and my bullet trailing behind him on the floor he ran around the couch with that thing what seemed like an hour I was so embarrassed not only was my mom present but her best friend was the mayors wife who works for the newspaper I could just imagine her writing a story about this."

Audrey W.


"My in-laws were helping us move. The waterbed was drained, but still assembled. My mum-in-law, wanting to try our new cordless drill, volunteered to disassemble the bed frame. Before we could stop her, she was in the bedroom. Seconds later she was back, wanting an explanation of the one-inch eyelets sunken into the head and foot boards. My husband, to avoid embarrassing his mum, said that they were there to make the boards easier to carry. Mum: "And the handcuffs?"
Oops."

Kae C.


"My boyfriend and I were moving and getting rid of some old junk. We had a garage sale and his mother insisted on helping. One of our packed boxes had some junk in it and I told her just to put a sign on the box saying fifty cents for each item in the box because I just wanted to get rid of everything. His mother being her helpful self decided to put a price on each individual item. When she was halfway through the box, she turned to me and said, "I think this is going to be worth more than fifty cents." I turned and saw my life-like dildo resting in her hand. Me being as shy as I am, I turned bright red and ran into the other room. I then made my boyfriend go get it from her."

Amber



"My lover and I were doing The Wild Thing just before a dinner party. We planned on just doing a "quickie", but we really got into it! We were at the peak of passion when the guests began to show up, so we grabbed our clothes on quick and went out to mingle. A little later someone came in with a wrap and I said, "Oh, just toss it on the bed." Too late I remembered that my "toys" were right there in the middle of the bed - in plain sight! The whispering and glancing in my direction all night should have cooled my passion, but as soon as the guests left, we were at it again - hot and heavy!"


Angelique A.


"I always kept my vibrator under my pillow for obvious reasons. The first time I slept with my now husband, the thing went off. He is from California and we were in New York. He thought it was earthquake! It didn't end all that bad. We used it and still do to this day."

Maria G.


"I was in my pool in my backyard orgasming, using an 8" dildo and a waterproof lube. I had climaxed nearly four times. Finally I noticed that Mike, my next door neighbor was watching with his brother. So I blushed, and asked if they wanted to join in. Steve, Mikes' brother ran away, and told their mother and I ran inside and haven't talked to them since."

Alex T.


"One day I had my little cousin over to my apartment. I gave her permission to go in my dresser draw to get a shirt she wanted to wear. I forgot I had put my vibrator in the top draw she had to go in. She brought back the shirt and my vibrator in her hand, she said, "Cousin what is this?" luckily I had it in a sock. I told her I was hiding a banana because my friend comes over and eats them all, and I had hid the biggest one for myself."

Roshunda.


"I ordered my first vibrator by post and was exited about it arriving, one day about a week after ordering, it arrived but I had to go off to work. When I came back, I discovered that my dad had opened the packaging to see what was inside ( I live with my dad ) and was waving it about in front of his drunken friends trying to figure out what it was! I had a lot of explaining to do that night !"

Jennifer.


"I was at my to be mother-in-law, when my purse fell and out slipped my wonderful battery operated blue dildo. She kind of jumped when she saw it and in that instant my finance walked in, stared at it and we burst out laughing. I was so embarrassed that all I could do was laugh."

Jennette.


"My husband and I had a hot night of sex and fun with our vibrator. We had spent the night on the couch in the living room. A male friend of ours dropped in unexpectedly in the morning and we were talking to him for a few minutes when he asked if that was what he thought it was. We had forgotten about it and had left it out on the coffee table. I grabbed it and ran out of the room. I came back very red faced and no one has ever said anything about it since."

Jodie.


"I had to rush to get to the airport a few months ago, I passed through the detector on the way to the gate and got stopped and searched with the hand wand. I emptied my pockets and they found nothing so I was asked to accompany a female security person to a private room to be searched. As we approached the room I remembered the stainless steel Ben Wau balls I still had inserted inside me. As the door closed I told the guard to wait a minute and I removed them myself and showed them to her. She asked for an explanation, I told her about them and was then allowed to go to the gate with my balls in hand. She was too busy telling the other guards and laughing to really care about me. I am sure I am still the topic of much discussion at that airport. I try to remember now to remove them and put them in my suitcase when flying the friendly skies."

Carol W.


"One night my best friend and her boyfriend came over to pick me up to stay the night at her house for the weekend and watch movies, so before they got there to pick me up I grabbed my over-night bag and threw some clothes in it. I put the bag on the floor board and got into the back seat, Then I started hearing some weird noise coming from under the seat. I stupidly stuck my head back out of the door to look at my friends and I said to my friends boy friend, "I think something is wrong with your stereo amp under the seat, It is making a really crazy noise!" I got out of the car so he could take a look at it. He started laughing hysterically and we are standing there asking him to tell us what is so damn funny. He turned to us with my vibrator in his hand that had fallen out of my over night bag that I did not even remember leaving it in there. I was so embarrassed!! But now I can't help but laugh too"

Angela :)


"As a member of an international service club my spouse and I were attending a district meeting. At this meeting we, as individual clubs, display our club banners. The night before we left for the meeting I got drunk and placed our favorite vibrator wand and a tube of lube in the banner case so I wouldn't forget to pack it. On the day of the meeting I was hung over and a friend said he would take care of the flag. When I showed up for the meeting, the wand and lube were on the floor in front of about 300 people."

Jim K.


"I was in the mix with my best friend Erin. It was my first time to be with a female. We had our dildo's in each other and our neighbor walked in on us and saw. When we scrambled to get up the dildo's just plopped on the floor with a thump. It was embarrassing."

Marlena D.


"After my boyfriend and I stayed at my family's house in the Catskills for the weekend, we made sure we did a very good job of leaving the house tidier than it was when we arrived. Only one thing we forgot: to empty the trash in my parents' bedroom (where we had slept, because it's the only double bed in the house). I got a phone call from my mother the next weekend when they went up to use the house informing me that my dog had once again attacked the trash and this time instead of unearthing a bloody tampon or two, she had unearthed the wrapper of an "edible condom". . .a gift I had gotten my boyfriend for the previous weekend."

Johanna


"Once upon a time, my wife lost one of her ben-wa balls, at the grocery store! It fell out and rolled down the aisle ahead of her. Some little kid caught it and handed it back to her. She'd been using them at home for a while and felt pretty secure with them, so just out of perversity she'd gone out in public with them. BIG MISTAKE! She said she could feel the darned thing working it's way out but try as she would she just couldn't manage to force it back up where it belonged with just her vaginal muscles and once it was out of her body it was out of her panties in just seconds! Once the kid gave it back she just left her cart, walked out of the store and never came back!"

Dave


"I gathered my sheets for washing, when I was hanging them on the line and chatting to a couple of my neighbors, I shook one of the larger sheets and out flew my purple vibrator. After bouncing four or five times across the lawn, it stopped at the feet of another neighbor (one really hates me). Not only had I felt very embarrassed in front of my neighbors, the real personal tragedy of the situation was my vibrator died after its experiencing the super wash cycle of my washing machine and an overnight soak in bleach!"

Ming W.


"Well, if you want an embarrassing story then you are going to love this one! I was a sophomore in college and was living in the dorms. I had received a hot pink, rather large vibrator as a gift from a friend after I had broken up with my boyfriend. I kept it hidden in a bag, stuffed in one of my boots hidden in the back of my closet. Well, who would have guessed that out of the 4 pair of boots I owned, that they were the very pair that my roommate decided to borrow without asking me. She decided to borrow them last minute on the way out the door, while about 10 people were waiting for her in our room. About 6 of those 10 were men (or should I call them little boys). Needless to say she found my hot pink, rather large vibrator and showed it to everybody. And then, thinking that it would just be absolutely hysterical, decided to dress it up in the clothes from her ken doll (as in ken and Barbie) that she kept sitting on her desk. She also took the head off the doll and taped it onto my vibrator. She then proceeded to wave it around the room just as I was walking in from class! Here I am, walking into my own dorm room filled with over 10 people and seeing my vibrator (which I was still scared to use at that time) with a ken doll head dressed in a muscle shirt and black leather jacket being waved around the room! I was absolutely mortified. My face turned the exact shade of the vibrator. Everybody was howling and rolling on the floor with laughter. I was ready to run out of the room when I turned around and my gorgeous RA (Resident Assistant), who I had had an extreme crush on all year was standing at the door, wondering what all the screaming and laughing was about. He saw the object of my mortification and after poorly hiding his own amusement, broke up the laughing party. I stayed in my room that entire weekend not wanting to show my face. My roommate made it a little easier for my by telling me she had one too, but was smart enough to leave it at home. I had been doing everything possible to avoid my RA when a week later my he chased me down on my way to class. He told me that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen in his life, and that he didn't blame me for being embarrassed. He also told me that he thought it was "cool" that I had one in the first place, and that guys think it's a turn on using one with their girlfriends. My face again began to turn the exact shade of hot pink of my Toy O Embarrassment. He then asked me out to dinner that night. Despite my strong desire to transfer to another college, I went out with him. Believe it or not we actually started dating, and after about 3 months he asked whatever happened to my "pink ken doll". So I brought it out of it's new hiding place- tucked neatly in a plainly folded sweater that my roommate hated and would never want to borrow. It would up making and interesting addition to our already fabulous sex life. Out of embarrassment comes happiness! Oh, until the day I graduated I was referred to as "The Vibe Queen", "Wet Kenny", and other equally witty names."

Sharon


"During a X-mas cruise, the first time having sex with my boyfriend, and our vibrator, our room steward walked in on us while he had it in me. My boyfriend jumped off the bed with vibrator buzzing in hand and chased him out of the room. He never looked at us in our face the remainder of our cruise. Very embarrassing."

E.


"I was staying at my parents house while my fiancé ˇas out of town and I left for work one day and I was gone for about 10 hours when I arrived back home my parents had an embarrassed look on their faces what had happened was that my vibrator had been turned on somehow and my sister heard it and they thought there must of been an animal or something get in to the house so my sister her boyfriend and my mom and dad searched my whole room trying to find where it was coming from and my dad found it in a box of my things and to top it off found a few other things that my fiancé ¨ad bought me over the 3 yrs we have been together. Needless to say it was the most embarrassing thing to happen to me."

Alison B.


"I got a vibrator from my boyfriend, because he gets off watching me playing with myself. Well, my boyfriend and I had broke up and I moved back home with my parents....my father is a preacher. One day while my father and I and my sister were switching my bedroom to the front bedroom my father started helping me get some of my things out of the closet. I had totally forgotten about the vibrator my boyfriend gave me, when my father has it in his hand putting in a box. I am standing there in shock that he has it in his hand and isn't saying anything. My sister looks over at him and says, "OH MY GOD!" My father looks over at her and asks what is wrong. She was so embarrassed as so was I that my father had it and I guess didn't really know what it was. Anyway, after we finished and we were all watching television that night....my father mentions to me that he figured out what my sister were so worried about earlier. He said, at first he didn't even think of it being a vibrator. I was so embarrassed and speechless I didn't know what to say...I was so red in the face. Now, I've gotten rid of my vibrator since that incident and I miss it very much. I need to win this one...hahahahahaha! I no longer live at home with my parents so I don't have to worry about my father holding it and not know what it is until later."

Melissa


My boyfriend is fanatically obsessed with sex and is always experimenting with new positions, and strategies in order to give us a higher quality of sexual pleasure. He got me into looking into these things also, and I have found that it is quite hard to be turned on unless one of his intimate sex toys is on location! He has also bought a video camera strictly for making home-made porno's. We seem to have an unlucky fate of being caught in embarrassing run-ins. Not only was one of our "home movies" played on accident when some co-workers had come over for some drinks, but one day my mother stopped by and went to the bookshelf to try and find one of her old books that was lost when I moved out years before. She was musing through them and found one of Bob's "2001 Methods to Enhance Orgasmic Energy" books, and she also stumbled across one of our little sex kits which we thought had been cleverly hidden in a secret box made to look like an old book. It contained several mortifying instruments, as well as countless erotic oils and lotions. My mother calmly dropped a pair of edible underwear on my kitchen stove and said I would probably want more for supper than that!

Gina M.


Well, I knew it had been awhile since I had worn my crotch less underwear. The day I decided to have the carpets cleaned, I found out why. While the 2 guys were moving my furniture out of the room to get it ready for cleaning, you guessed it, my black, lacy, crotch less panties were up under the sofa. The carpet cleaner simply reached down and picked them up and handed them to me. Red faced, I said "thanks."

After that experience, I was more careful about keeping up with them.

Tammy


Well I had just turned forty and became sexually aroused like never before and spent 4hrs. in a sex store for the first time in my life. I purchased two different types of dildos: the Big King and a suction cup base Big Bam dildo. I decided after I bought the Big Bam was just too big and it really wasn't what I wanted so I threw it away in my recycle bin, the men who are on the regular route was emptying the bin when the dildo fell out, I was standing in my kitchen window and saw them looking at me laughing as they played and swung the dildo around. I got more winks and tongue gyrations than I've ever seen in my life. now they wink at me every 2nd Tuesday of the month when they see me in the window. Thank God they don't know my name!

Felice W.


I went with a buddy to the airport to pick up his daughter, we had to go through security and I had to empty my pockets. There in the basket for all to see was my metal cockring, my buddy kept asking be what the hell it was. I told him and we laughed about it all day!

Frank


My dog brought my stimulator out of the bedroom into a room full of family on Thanksgiving. How did they all know what it was? Wouldn't have been so obvious but he managed to turn it on first.

Judy


On a recent trip to Reno, for our anniversary, we had chance for some romance. My husband and I were in the airport at the security check point when one of our bags, going thru the X-ray was pulled aside for a questionable item inside. The young man behind the counter was a little shocked when the only thing I could think of was the small box I pulled out and popped open to reveal my pretty gold ben-wah balls. He did seem to recover but was still tentative in that the items in question were a cylindrical shape on the screen. We then realized that our collection of dimes and nickels in coin wrappers were the items in question. We save them all year long just for this sort of trip. The young man, seemed to be very relieved to let us continue on to our final destination.

Rebecca H.


I was working for a Correctional department and was subject to random searches. I never had any problem, until one day I forgot that my vibrator was in my purse. They chose that day to search my purse and when the officer checking pulled out this 8' penis shaped item and asked "what's this?" I thought I'd die from embarrassment. At least until he finally realized what it was and turned beet red. I never had my purse searched again.

Karen H.


I was traveling to a business meeting when I decided that now was a great time to test out the vibrator my boyfriend bought me when he left town for 8 months. I got up and went to the ladies room...had an incredible orgasm and then freshened up. I Had to pass the pilot on my way back to me seat and just smiled at him...thinking "If he only knew what I had just done!". I few moments later he sat down in the seat next to me and handed me my vibrator! I had forgotten it on the shelf in the restroom! After considerable embarrassment he invited me to sample real sex in the air! WOW!

Elizabeth


I was with my (male) boss on a pretty crowded subway, and my hands were really full and I had to stand. I had my vibrator in my purse and some guy bumped into me and I dropped everything in my hands. Somehow during the fall it switched into the 'on' position and came vibrating out of my purse! My boss had started to help me pick up my stuff but didn't know what to do when the vibrator came creeping towards him. Needless to say, everyone but myself got a good laugh.

Autumn Y.


My boyfriend of four years was going away to grad school and we were going to be separated for the first time since we got together. As a joke he got me a small vibrator that looked like a tube of lipstick. He said that it was for those "lonely nights that he could not fill with passion". I laughed and dropped it into my purse and forgot about it. A couple of days later I went to the airport with Jeff and his parents to see him off. While waiting for his plane to arrive his mother and I went into the restroom at the same time. While I was in the stall she asked if I had any lipstick she could borrow. I told her to look in my purse. When I came out of the stall she was standing there with this look of horror on her face as she held my vibrator in her hand. She looked at me and left the restroom and walked back to where her husband and Jeff were sitting all the while holding the vibrator away from her in her hand like it was some kind of disease. The look on Jeff's face will definitely be one that I never forget.

Jill B.


When my husband and I were having sex, we had members from our family sitting in the living room while we got a quickie. He was using the vibrator and for some reason it was feeling soooo good to me that I could not focus on the door ( which had no lock on it) I was trying my best to contain my self when a family member came walking in the door and I yanked the vibrator out and it hit him in the head because my hands were all slippery with lube. After that we made him swear that he would not tell anyone in the next room.. We still don't know if he did or didn't.

Carol H.


I came home from work in time to sign for my 'special order' from the UPS man. I unwrapped and took my new toy out of the packaging and threw the box and package my new toy came in into the trash. My adult step-son came home with his girlfriend, being the very helpful guy he is, he opened the garbage can and pulled the bag out of the can to take it out. I'm not sure how or what happened but the bag slipped out of his hands and spilled all over the floor the packaging for a King Dong was revealed to both him and his girlfriend. I wanted to die, but I'm sure I'm a topic of funny parent stories at the college he attends.

Carol J.


My girlfriend and I were going to separate colleges for graduate school. One of our toys got left under my bed in it's "plain brown wrapper" which we kept in. One day I was looking for something I had miss placed in my room. A friend was helping. She looked under the bed and pulled out the bag asking if it was in here. Before I could stop her she pulled the dildo out. All she said was "oh my" and got rather red. It was the last thing she expected for me to have under my bed I guess. She just put it back and did not say a word about it, to this very day. LOL

Sam


"I had just moved in an apartment and I was like the innocent girl that just moved in for everybody. I had a piece of furniture that I was moving in with this guy I had a crush on. When trying to carry in the furniture, my land lord's son came by to help.(which I was attracted to as well) When they both went into my room, we realized that we need to move my shifernier. As they lifted it up my vibrator was just laying there. I thought that I had put it under the last drawer, and I practically put it on the floor. After that I could never go out when my land lord and her son where outside. Also, the guy that I liked, stop talking to me."

Cindie G.


"In 1995 I owned my own lingerie store (with novelties of course) and I wanted try out the infamous BenWa Balls. Well one of my employees (a close friend mind you) dared me to insert them while working and see if I could keep them in all day. Well needless to say in spandex you don't wear underwear now do you? Everything was going just fine for awhile until my employee (remember this is supposed to be a close friend of mine) gets it in her head that she's going to do everything in her power to make me lose them (the balls). A new customer comes in (a man) looking for a gift for his wife. Everything was going great, about to close a great sale, when my employee comes by and pinches me on my ass. I whirled around in surprise, lost all control and guess what? That's right, my Ben Wa Balls went clanking onto the floor at my customers feet. Much to my horror he bent over to retrieve them (a reflex thing I guess). At seeing him about to retrieve a very intimate object from my body I bent over to retrieve the balls at the same time and (that's right) our heads collided. The whole thing went into hysteria mode after that. I shamefully apologized, picked up my balls, ran from the room and left my customer to my employee (who is still my friend) to close the deal. Funny, after that incident the new customer became a devoted customer after that always asking me to wait on him. God how I miss those days."

Jennifer L.

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