Tuesday, April 29, 2008

What Women Want vs. What Men Want: A Sexual Roundtable

So, you think you know what the opposite sex wants in bed, huh? Well, maybe you do. But you may want to read what three men and three women said in a round table discussion on the topic before you proclaim yourself an expert. Their last names have been omitted because the discussion gets pretty in-depth and, let's face it, it's a private thing. But these are real people who represent the typical American male and female. Watch out - you might just learn something.

Let's meet our participants:

Tricia, 24, Paralegal
Steve, 36, Computer Programmer
Carolyn, 32, Stay-at-home Mom
Rodney, 30, Artist
Natalie, 27, Store Manager
Byron, 27, Sales

What follows is an actual discussion that took place when the participants were asked the simple question, 'What do you like in bed?'

Byron: I'll tell you what I don?t like. I don?t like timid women or women who don't like to experiment. I'm an adventurous kind of guy and you are not going to keep me interested and faithful if you won't even consider doing different things.

Carolyn: Well, what do you mean by 'different things?' Are you talking sex with animals, or what? I mean, there's a line.

Byron: No, not animals. Just be open to new things. Like there was this one girl who acted like I was a huge freak because I wanted to give her anal sex. What's wrong with that?

Tricia: I know what you're saying. I'm pretty experimental myself. I get bored so easy. And there are a lot of guys who talk the talk, but when I suggest stuff, they either shy away or act like I'm a slut just for thinking about it.

Carolyn: Well, I can kind of relate to that. There was one time when my husband and I were dating and he found a dildo under my bed. He freaked out and made me throw it away. He thought I needed it because he wasn't satisfying me or something. I thought it might have been kind of cool to use it together.

Editor: Okay, so why don't you share your turn-ons and turnoffs?

Steve: I know this seems petty, but I can't stand a lot of, you know, pubic hair on a woman. It's a huge turnoff. I love oral sex, but if a woman doesn't bother to at least keep it trimmed down there, forget it. That's just nasty.

Byron: I?m with you on that one. I like it trimmed, too, but shaved bald is a major turn-on. It just looks so inviting. It says, 'Come and get me!'

Carolyn: Oh, brother. Let me guess, you guys don't even bother trimming your own hair, right? Keeping the hair 'down there' trimmed is just another thing women have to do for men that men don't have to do for women.

Steve: Not true. I return the favor.

Tricia: That may be more than I wanted to know about you, Steve. I understand where the guys are coming from, though. There's nothing worse than a pubic hair caught in your throat.

Natalie: Okay, enough about that subject. Here's my major turnoff...a guy who refuses to go through foreplay and heads straight for the grand finale. I've had guy after guy do this to me. It's like we're sitting on the couch and he just says, 'Let's do it.' This is supposed to turn me on? Whatever happened to a little seduction, a little fooling around first, to set the mood?

Steve: I may be one of the few guys who actually needs foreplay before I can perform at my best. I love foreplay. I love getting all hot and bothered and sweaty first. It just makes the actual intercourse that much better.

Tricia: Maybe you and Natalie should get together.

Natalie: I also hate when a guy won't stay the night or invite me to stay the night after we've had sex. What is that all about? It's all 'wham bam thank you ma'am, see ya later.' If a guy does that to me, that's the last time he's going to get anything from me. At least give me the respect of staying, even if it's just for a couple of hours. Otherwise, I feel used and it really feels like I'm being treated like a hooker.

Byron: Maybe he just doesn't want to get emotionally attached. And he doesn't want you to think that he's more involved in the relationship than he is. I'm sure he's not meaning to disrespect you.

Natalie: Well, I don't see how it can't be considered disrespect. In any case, it is a big turnoff.

Rodney: I personally like to cuddle after sex. I love to, like, collapse into the girl's arms afterwards, when we?re both all sweaty and exhausted.

Tricia: I would expect that from you, being a sensitive artist.

Rodney: Well, I don't know if it has anything to do with that. How about you guys? Don't you like the after-sex cuddling part?

Byron: I'll stick around for a few minutes, but I think serious cuddling should be reserved for, well, serious relationships.

Steve: I tend to agree. It really depends on the woman, I guess.

Rodney: Hm...maybe it is just because I'm an artist.

Tricia: Okay, my number one turn-on is a backrub. Give me a backrub and I'm yours. I could never go to a male massage therapist because I wouldn't be able to control myself. It's my biggest erogenous zone, I think.

Rodney: I am the same way. I am putty in a woman?s arms if she rubs my back. And the thing that turns me on the most is when she scratches my back and shoulders really lightly with her fingernails. Wow.

Carolyn: I require my husband to give me a backrub at least once a week, and it usually leads to sex. And foot rubs, too. My husband is the foot-f***in-master! Sorry...movie reference.

Natalie: I think we might be unanimous on the backrub? or at least massage? turn-on. I love it, too.

Byron: Yep, I'd say it does something for me, too.

Steve: Okay, I'll make it unanimous.

Editor: What part of the opposite sex's body turns you on most?

Byron: I'm the typical guy. It's the breasts. And they don't have to be humongous. But I do like them pretty ample. A woman with a flat chest doesn't turn me on at all. I got to have something to grab onto.

Tricia: Yeah, that is pretty typical. And it's pretty typical for a woman to like a guy's butt the best. That's not me. I personally go for a guy's hair, eyes and back. I love long hair and light eyes. And a strong, defined back is so sexy. Must be that back as an erogenous zone thing happening with me.

Natalie: I like eyes, too. That's what turns me on initially. Eyes are the windows to the soul, you know. Of course, once sex begins there's a much more important part that turns me on, if you know what I mean.

Carolyn: I think we do. I guess I'm stereotypical because it is a guy's butt that gets my attention. No flat butts for me. But I also don't like tight jeans. That's tacky.

Rodney: I am a hair guy for some reason. I love long, flowing, beautiful hair. It doesn't really matter what color. I guess I prefer blonds, though. I don't know why. It?s just the most pleasing to the eye.

Tricia: Such an artist. You probably see the beauty in every woman, too, right?

Rodney: Uh, well...most women.

Steve: I've been pondering on this one. I pretty much love every part of a woman's body. I would say her face, eyes, lips, the general look, is what gets me attracted to her first, but what turns me on most is probably her butt. I really like a nice, full butt that knows how to fill out a pair of jeans.

Editor: Okay, last question. What is everyone's favorite sexual fantasy? This is something that you may or may not make a reality someday, so don't worry about what people might say about your morality. But keep it short. I'm not writing a book.

Byron: Again, I'm the typical guy. I really, really, really want to be with two women at once. There's something about being wanted by more than one woman. And I would like to see two women together, too. No...I would love it.

Steve: Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but I've done that and it's not all it's cracked up to be. So, my new fantasy - fantasies, actually - involve doing it in the office with women I work with. I guess I like the danger aspect of it, that we could get caught.

Tricia: I think you'd be shocked by my fantasies. I think my favorite right now is me and three guys. Yes, three. I've done two, now I want three. Two in back and one in front. You know, one in my mouth, one in my, um...vagina...and one in my butt. I hope that wasn't too graphic. Oh, and I want to be watched. I tend to be voyeuristic.

Carolyn: Wow, that is pretty shocking. I don't guess I could do that, being married and all. But this is fantasy. Okay, as boring as it is, my fantasy features my husband and me. I just want to be more adventurous. He turns me on more than anyone, but after five years of marriage, I would love to try new things. Number one fantasy? I guess that would be him tying me up and using sex toys on me. That's pretty good, right?

Natalie: I was just going to say, I want to be tied up! How funny. Every time I ask a guy to tie me up, he says he'd feel uncomfortable. I can't figure it out. I just want to be controlled. It probably has something to do with bossing people around all day, I don't know. I also want some rough sex. Like pissed off at each other sex.

Rodney: My turn, huh? Well, I have to admit, I would like to be with two women. I hate sounding like a typical guy, but I think it would be great to experience two beautiful women at once. Being an artist, I also want to try body painting, but I can't find a woman who wants to get that messy. Oh well.

Editor: Well, thanks for your time, everyone. I'm sure this discussion will be enlightening for many and frightening for some.

Obviously, everyone's sexual preferences are different. But we can learn from the above discussion. Our participants have taught us that men and women cannot be stereotyped when it comes to what turns them on and off. There are sensitive, nurturing men, and wild, adventurous women. It's up to you to open yourself up to your lover and allow him or her to open up to you to discover each other's likes and dislikes. Don't offend and try not to be offended when your partner says he or she doesn't like something. Figure out what your lover does like and, if it's something you're willing to do, do it! You may not know something turns you on until you experience it. But, remember, just because a past lover may have liked this or hated that, it doesn't mean every lover feels the same way. Sex is about experimentation, exploration and, of course, ecstasy!

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