Thursday, October 9, 2008

Q & A: how to get my husband in the mood for sex?

I want to learn how to get my husband in the mood for sex, but it just don't know where to start. Can you help?

-- ups


dear ups,
The fine art of seduction - it's the ability to peek your partner's desire and direct his attention away from what he's doing (and towards you!). There are no ABCs as each person is unique and responds to different things (although some Romeos would like to tell you otherwise...). Instead, what follows are a few basic ideas to help you get started.

Timing is Everything

Any sexual invitation has a better chance of success if both partners are feeling good about each other. If you have just had a fight and it's still unresolved or there's an argument brewing and the tension is thick, chances of any type of sexual initiation working are slim.

Ask and You Shall Receive

If you're both in a good mood, however, the easiest way to initiate sex is to ask. To be a bit more creative, try combining the direct approach with a little salesmanship. Tell him why making love is a good idea. Rub his neck or back at the same time. Words and physical (non-genital) touch combined can be very persuasive.

A Song in Your Heart

Music can work wonders. And if you're light on your feet, you can try dancing as a lead-in to fun in the bedroom. Kissing is another definite winner, as is making your partner feel special. Try leaving him a note, telling him how great you think he is, or giving him a surprise gift.

Repeat Performance

Try reminding your partner of a great time you had together. It could be another time you made love, a moment during a romantic vacation, or a day when you two felt completely intimate. Often the memory works to get you both turned on once again.

Schedule for Love

Make a date with your husband to have sex. Before the date, leave a phone message or send a letter describing what you're looking forward to doing with him later. Be specific; be erotic; spell it out for him. By the time you see each other for the date, you'll both be anticipating a rollicking time.

Whatever you do to initiate sex, tune in to how you're feeling. If you're playful, find a silly way to get things heated up. If you're loving, be more sensual. And if you're simply turned on, try an erotic approach. You have to be willing to accept rejection sometimes, but if you're imaginative, your sex life can get VERY spicy.

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