Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Anal Sex: The 5 Major Guidelines

There are many ways to enjoy the anus erotically. Some people enjoy the sensation of a finger inserted into their anal opening and gently rotated. Others may find the insertion of a dildo, vibrator, or penis very arousing and stimulating. This section contains all the essential guidelines for enjoying anal intercourse.

Getting Started
Some people are not very open to experimentation with this body part, as they are scared that it will cause great amounts of pain, or the whole thought of it is grosses them out. In any event, make sure to communicate with your partner to avoid bad reactions. If your partner refuses, don’t try to force them, it will be a horrible experience for them (and ultimately for you) if they are not comfortable with the idea.

If you are trying to convince your partner to explore this world, using something as large as a penis is definitely not the way to get started. You should start by getting them comfortable being touched in the area, then move up to using a finger or two, and then, when ready, finally moving up to intercourse. Please refer to the anal play to please women or anal play to please men sections to learn more about anal play, using anal sex toys, and analingus. Until your partner is ready to receive, their anxieties will cause their anal sphincter to tighten, and trying to push through will be extremely painful, so be patient!

Cleanliness is essential with virtually all forms of this type of play. A bath or a shower is a great primer, and can be the start of the festivities. Once your penis or sex toy has been inside the rectum, don't put them inside anywhere else until you have washed them. Carelessness in this regard can cause a very serious infection. Make sure to use copious amounts of a good lubricant, and start as slowly as possible the first few times.

The Largest Misconceptions of Anal Intercourse
Most people believe that anal intercourse hurts and that it is always an uncomfortable experience. This is quite simply false. As with any form of intercourse, the anus, like the vagina, must become used to the activity. Any woman who remembers her first time having sex probably recalls a painful experience. In fact, the first couple of times were probably painful and not that enjoyable. Did they stop having sex? In almost all cases, they didn’t. Anal intercourse falls under the same guidelines for both genders; it takes practice to get accustomed to the activity. Pain is usually a sign that something is being performed incorrectly, not that the act is wrong. In most cases pain is due to a few reasons: the receiver is too tense and tightening, the giver is pushing too hard, there isn’t enough lubricant, or that the penis or toy is still too big to put in (based on current experience levels). Using fingers and smaller toys is the best way to get used to the feeling, and it is advised that you increase size a little at a time. Once you have become comfortable with the idea and concepts you will probably find it very pleasurable.

The 5 Major Guidelines

  1. Always use a lubricant. Unlike the vagina, the small amount of mucus a rectum produces is completely insufficient for anal intercourse. Therefore anal penetration should always be accompanied with an ample supply of lubricant. Water-based lubricants are latex-compatible and highly recommended.
  2. Stop immediately if your partner asks you to stop. If your partner is too tense to experiment, all forms of anal penetration will cause a great deal of pain. We are not saying to stop trying completely, just don’t push yourself onto your partner, as this will only result in a bad experience for them, and make them less willing to try again.
  3. Take it slow. When experimenting with anal sex for the first few times, go slow. There is no rush and if you take your time you will probably both enjoy the experience. There should not be a great deal of forcing required. If lubricated properly, an object should slide in somewhat easily. We recommend using your fingers ahead of time to loosen them up first for the first few times.
  4. Sufficient desire alone does not guarantee pleasurable anal sex. Read the other four points.
  5. Always communicate with your partner. As with any sexual activity, communication is essential. Talk about what you want to do, discuss beforehand your desires, tell your partner what you like and don't like while engaging in anal intercourse. Basically, be open about your preferences and feelings, and, be receptive to theirs.

Understanding the Anus and the Rectum

A minority of men and women respond with orgasms to anal sex without direct genital stimulation. Women probably do so through pelvic muscle contractions - and a small minority through the sheer excitement of being penetrated anally. For men, an orgasm may be experienced because of pressure applied to the prostate gland. They are no doubt responding to indirect stimulation of the penile bulb. Orgasms from anal stimulation are most likely to occur when the participants become thoroughly absorbed in their sensations and fantasies.

The main function of the rectum is to act as a passageway for feces, but feces are not normally stored in the rectum except just prior to a bowel movement. Small amounts may remain in the rectum. This is one of the reasons that it is recommended to use condoms during anal intercourse.

The rectum is not straight. After the short anal canal that connects the anal opening to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body, sometimes as much as 90 degrees. Then, after a few more inches, it swoops towards the front of the body again. A person can learn about the shape of his or her rectum by gently inserting a soft object, trying different angles and body positions and concentrating on how it feels. Make sure the object has a flared base so that if you lose your grip, it won't slip into the rectum and become temporarily irretrievable.

If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your anus and press your fingertip against the side, you can clearly feel the two sphincter muscles. There is less than a quarter-inch between them. The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system (voluntary), which means you can tense and relax this sphincter whenever you want. The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the autonomic nervous system (involuntary). The internal sphincter reflects and responds to fear and anxiety. It may cause the anus to tense up automatically even if the person is trying to relax.

Though it is always wise to practice the safest sex possible, this is especially true with anal intercourse. The lining of the rectum is very thin, and can rip if there is too much stress put on it. By wearing condoms, you can greatly reduce your and your partner’s chances of transmitting most STD’s.

Fellatio Secrets: Lesson 5-7

Lesson 5

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a little gauge somewhere that can give you some feedback on how you are doing? Good thing it is exists!

When a man is in a relaxed state, his scrotum and testicles hang freely. As the state of arousal increases, the scrotum will tighten, pulling the testicles closer and closer towards his body. This is a natural process geared at preparing the contents of the testicles for mobilization.

Even better news… his state of arousal, represented in part by his scrotum, can be directly affected by manually and orally stimulating his scrotum. Although you definitely do not want to play rough with his testicles, it can be a welcome change of pace if your neck or arms are getting tired.

Lesson 6

An oral ejaculation is not always a welcome event, especially when it’s not being expected. Although it’s not recommended to cut off the flow entirely, the flow can be reduced by applying pressure to his urethra, found along the entire base of his shaft.

Lesson 7

One of the first problems encountered when learning to perform fellatio was a gag reflex, especially when dealing with men who seem to always want to force their penis as far as they can get it in. (Especially at the moment when they cum!)

According to the statistics, the awkwardness of this situation is confirmed by considering that the average length of your oral cavity is three to three and a half inches while the average penis, in North America, is approximately five and a half inches.

As difficult as it may sound, many have overcome the gag reflex and can take most if not all of their partner into the land of deep-throating. Getting over this hump simply takes practice, ideally on an object that isn’t attached to something that has the tendency to push deeper when you want to abort…

If your partner doesn’t fall victim to the urge to palm your head like a basketball, live training can work… but if all else fails, a popsicle can be a good starter. Just remember to give yourself time to overcome the reflex, rushing this skill will only lead to uncomfortable situations.

If you follow these instructions I imagine that you will have the guy in your life eating out of the palm of your hand, or at least eating out of something... Be safe, and equally important, ENJOY, because that is the most important part.

Fellatio Secrets: Lesson 1-4

Lesson 1

Place your guy flat on his back on your bed, in a well-lit room. Take his penis in your hand and LOOK at it. You will notice a point of juncture where the two ends of this irregular circle come together. If your partner is not circumcised, this will also be the point where the foreskin is attached. This tiny area is likely the most sensitive spot on his entire body.

Spend time caressing the head and those areas immediately surrounding it. Beneath the head of the penis (glans) is the shaft of the penis. Apparently, according to people who study this type of thing, the shaft does not have many nerve endings and does not, therefore, provide a man with any high degree of stimulation when caressed either manually or with your tongue to the exclusion of the glans head itself. Now the one thing that the girls wanted me to add was that you can add a high degree of pleasure for him by paying the right kind of attention to the testicles.

So LOOK at your partner's penis. Study it. Learn its areas of special sensitivity completely and be ready to apply your knowledge to his body with your tongue and with your lips when you bend your loving head over his cock.

Lesson 2

The most important thing to do at the beginning of going down on a man is to learn to gauge his reactions to stimulus. Once this is done, you will be able to finish him on demand, thereby keeping the favor from becoming a chore.

While his erect penis points toward the ceiling, cup his testicles in one hand and gently, using only your tongue, lick softly, but carefully along the entire underside of his erect organ. As you explore along the underbelly you will learn those areas that give him the greatest pleasure when your tongue is touching them.

For most men the most sensitive area will be the point where the ring of the head and the foreskin are attached; or were attached prior to his circumcision. Position yourself so that your tongue is in direct contact with the “split” in the glans head, and simply stimulate that area with any variety of motions; circular, back and forth, side to side.

Lesson 3
Place the head of his penis inside your mouth, but do not tighten your lips around the shaft. With your tongue, begin a circle motion around his head with the tip of your tongue. The head of his penis will slide to different places in your mouth as you continue the circle motion.

The technique is a great transition move between techniques; just make sure to experiment with the whole spectrum of pleasurable pressure, as this is incredibly stimulating just about any way it is performed. You can also incorporate spinning your head in a back and forth motion to add a little extra sprinkle of love.

Lesson 4
Now let’s discuss a technique that is probably the most common in the world; stroking the penis orally. Take his erection in your mouth by sliding your moistened tongue lovingly over the head until your lips close around the shaft, going as far down as you feel comfortable.

Remember the shaft is relatively insensitive to most stimulation, so the majority of the pleasure is coming from the head of his penis coming into contact with your tongue, roof of the mouth, and or the throat. Since keeping it in contact with something at all times can be difficult, a short and gentle stroking motion can provide a significant impact.

Analingus and Anal Fingering

There are two very pleasurable spots in and around a man's anus. The first location is the anus itself; it is surrounded by a large number of nerve bundles and is very sensitive. The second is the prostate gland; it is located a few inches inside the anus towards the belly button, and often feels like a firm bulge.

Getting Started

Some men are not very open to experimentation with this body part, as enjoying it may make them question their sexuality. As stupid as this may sound, it is a result of the prejudice and lack of understanding in today’s society. In any event, make sure to communicate with your partner to avoid bad reactions. If your partner refuses, don’t force him, but try to open him up to the idea by exploring the area more often with your hands. He’ll slowly get used to being touched around there, and it won’t seem as big of a deal. And remember, by stimulating the prostate gland as he gets close to climaxing, you can give him an orgasm three or more times as intense!

Cleanliness is essential with virtually all forms of this form of play. A bath or a shower is a great primer, and can be the start of the festivities. Once your finger(s) or sex toy has been inside his anus, don't put them anywhere else until you wash them. Carelessness in this regard can cause a very serious infection. Make sure to have a good lubricant, and start as slowly as possible the first few times.

Be sure to clip your fingernails quite short before doing any type of penetration, especially anal. The lining of the rectum is thin, and can be torn by sharp objects. If you have longer fingernails, you can pack some cotton balls around your fingernails and put on a latex glove.


Once you get lubricated, you want to start by taking it really easy. Most people who have never had any anal play will tense their sphincter muscles. If they are tensing, do not try to push through, as it will cause a lot of pain and discomfort. Instead, make little circles around his anus and wait for him to relax. Once he starts relaxing, gently try moving your finger in and out a little. Start shallow and slowly move deeper, just make sure to watch his reactions and facial expressions to see if you are going too fast. Once you get inside, you can do a variety of things, including: twisting your hand, pulling in and out, moving in large circles following the wall of the cavity, or stimulate specific spots with little circles. The most effective use of anal play is definitely right at orgasm. If you have a finger inside stimulating his prostate when he reaches an orgasm, you will send him to another world of pleasure, one that he will most likely be asking you to help him revisit.


Before engaging in analingus, make sure to thoroughly wash the area. Once clean, licking this area of the body is virtually no different then licking any other, and can be very stimulating for your partner. Like other play in this area, don’t just jump right in, build up to them and allow for your partner to get comfortable. A great way to start performing analingus is to move into it when you are performing fellatio. The area is really sensitive, so run your tongue around in circular motions, use your tongue to tickle, and when you are both ready for it, even to penetrate.

Access to his anus is a little tougher than to his penis, but there are several positions that are ideal; lying on his back with a large pillow to arch his bum up, him bent over with legs spread, him standing with you kneeling, and him upside down with his legs spread.

Anal Intercourse

Anal sex is quite a different ball game than using your finger. Even if he enjoys and requests you to pleasure him there, he may be apprehensive about putting something so large as a dildo in there. The keys to success are sufficient (i.e. copious amounts of) lubrication, relaxation on his part, and a slow, gentle approach. Let him tell you when he wants it harder or faster and don't be shy about playing with his penis at the same time. For more on this please see the Anal Intercourse section.

Anal Toys

Butt Plugs

A butt plug is a toy that is inserted in the rectum. Once inserted, you can leave it where it is or move it in and out. Many people enjoy the sense of fullness that butt plugs bring, much in the same way women enjoy the fullness experienced during vaginal sex. Others enjoy the sensation of inserting something in their anus.

Butt plugs come in many different shapes and sizes. Some of the sizes seem silly, but some people are obsessed with larger toys, so the companies willingly accommodate. The most popular plugs are less than an inch in diameter, and roughly 4 inches long.

Climax Beads

Beads are some of the most popular anal toys. They range from soft to firm-textured, usually consist of four to ten balls connected with a piece of nylon cord or plastic/rubber, and there are a wide selection in ball sizes. Whichever type you are interested in, they are virtually the best toys to ease into anal play.

Climax beads are a very simple toy to use. After being covered by lubricant, they are inserted into the anus bead by bead. Most people then leave the beads where they are until near the point of orgasm, at which time the beads are pulled out one by one. This can greatly intensify an orgasm to the point that it is too intense to handle. We suggest starting with smaller balls, and then moving up, as you get more experienced.

And like everything else involved with anal play, cleanliness is of the highest importance. Make sure to clean your toy thoroughly after using it, store it in a dry dust free place, and be very gentle when starting out.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Threesomes: what kinds of people participate and why?

This article will explore the world of threesomes: what kinds of people participate and why, some of the different types of threesomes, and its advantages and disadvantages.

Who Wants to be Part of a Threesome?

People pursue threesomes for various reasons. First, the most common, are men who are looking to fulfill the fantasy of being with two women at the same time, especially if the women perform bisexual acts during the course of the threesome, otherwise known as “show time”. ? There are also women who want to experience being with two men at the same time (which is not as uncommon as you might think).

Furthermore, there are those looking to experiment, usually during college years (otherwise known as the “experimental years”), or those who have recently been divorced after being married for a lot of years, particularly those who married at a very young age. They may have missed out on the experimental years when they were younger, so they look to make up for it later in life.

Lastly, there are very sexual men and women who are looking for more variety and merely want and need more than the typical “one on one” sex act - at least once in a while.

Why Would Someone Initiate a Threesome?

A man or woman might be looking to please their partner by fulfilling his/her fantasies or bi-curious tendencies, and so agrees to a threesome with another person. Of course, there is the bisexual person who is simply looking for that occasional excitement of a threesome.

For many bisexual women, having sex with a man is like having dinner … dinner is something you have every night. However, having sex with a woman is like having dessert … something you don’t necessarily have every night, but something you may treat yourself to on occasion!

Swingers (who are now referred to as people who live alternative lifestyles) will often enjoy any kind of an orgy, including threesomes. So a swinger would definitely have reason to initiate a threesome. Also, a person who is looking for a lot of attention and wants to be the so-called “meat in the sandwich” is a prime candidate for initiating a threesome.

Different types of threesomes

The most common threesome is that of a man and two women. The second most common threesome is a woman with two men. However, there are threesomes consisting of the same sex (i.e. 3 men or 3 women). There are also the threesomes that include bisexuality, and then there are those that don’t; some just want to experience their partner in a physically intimate situation with another person.

However, if you are not in love with your partner and may just be having a sexual fling with that person, then a threesome can be simply orgasmic, because you can enjoy the excitement without the jealously, and if bisexuality is involved, you can also benefit from the best of both worlds!

So far I’ve been primarily focusing on the couple. Now let’s talk about the outsider, the “guest”. Being the outsider in a threesome is probably the best position to be in (no pun intended), because there is no love or emotion involved, you are there exclusively for the sex act. In most cases, the guest gets treated like a princess or a prince (as mentioned earlier, the meat in the sandwich), because the guest is the source of exhilaration and variety for the couple. Many times the guest is the couple’s fantasy come true, and that’s a pleasing feeling for the outsider. So, if you like a lot of attention, and if you like to fulfill other people’s fantasies, definitely consider being the guest in a threesome. ?

The most common difficulty in being the guest in a threesome is when he or she is participating with a couple who has never had a threesome together previously; especially if you are a female guest of a couple in which the wife or girlfriend is not bisexual or bi-curious, and the husband or boyfriend tries to push a bisexual act on his partner when she’s really not into it! It really puts the female guest in a very uncomfortable situation. This can easily cause an argument between the partners.

In some cases one partner will start to get jealous watching his or her partner making love with another person, which obviously results in making it a distressing situation for everyone involved. I’ve literally seen wives end up in tears and couples end up not talking or fighting. Needless to say, the guest ends up feeling responsible.

Initiating the Topic with your Partner

First of all, as I’ve emphasized earlier, if your partner is your spouse or someone you are truly in love with………my advice is, “Don’t even consider it!” If you are adamant about sharing this particular fantasy with your loved one, I may have a happy medium for you … keep it as a fantasy only, but share it with your partner. In other words, during sex with your partner you can initiate sex talk about threesomes. Be honest and ask your partner to participate in the sex talk as well, and ask him or her to make up stories for you too, stories consisting of the two of you with a third person. That way you’re always including your partner in your fantasy, without the repercussions that can occur from actually doing it. Your partner may even surprise you and end up being more turned on then you could have imagined. He or she may even have a few fantasies of his or her own to share with you, via sex talk. I sincerely suggest that you take my advice on this matter, as I’ve seen threesomes backfire way too many times with married couples or couples in a serious relationship! Trust me, you don’t want to learn the hard way, it can end your marriage or a wonderful relationship, and a threesome is simply not worth that. So, consider keeping your threesomes just between the two of you!

Now, on the flip side, for couples who are not married or necessarily in love, or who are absolutely sure that pursuing a threesome will not jeopardize their relationship … you can initiate a conversation with your partner suggesting such. First of all, honesty about your desires is the best policy, but keep in mind that this is a very delicate topic and must be treated as such … with great discretion.

You must first use common sense. I don’t know your partner, but you do! Is he or she the type who might participate in such? Is he or she a very sexual person? Is he or she one who has been known to experiment sexually? Has he or she ever talked about fantasies with you? Has he or she ever expressed being bi-curious? All of these questions are essential in determining whether or not your partner should be asked to participate in a threesome.

As a hypothetic example: Suppose your partner is a woman who teaches elementary school, who was a virgin until she was 25 years old, and you are only the second man she’s ever had sex with in her entire life; with someone like her, I suggest that you forget the idea of a threesome, limit it to sex talk. Unless, she’s the total opposite in bed, which is rare, but it does occur on occasion. So, if you have a real wild card on your hands in bed, then that’s a horse of a different color. Otherwise, don’t pursue a threesome with her, unless you’re prepared for the possibility of the relationship ending, or at least starting a huge fight.

Now, once you’ve truly found a potential partner to approach, suggest a threesome while you’re already engaging in sex. The chance of hearing the answer you want to hear is much more likely to happen if you ask him or her while he or she is already hot!!! There’s no right or wrong way to suggest a threesome. It truly depends on the people involved and the relationship you have. My only advice is that if and when you do propose it to your partner, make it perfectly clear that your desire for the threesome is not in any way, shape, size, or form, a result of your partner being inadequate! So, please be careful and make sure that you emphasize that it’s just a sexual fantasy, and that it wouldn’t be same without him or her.

Fortunately, most women are well aware that the overwhelming majority of men would give their right arm to be with two women at the same time. ? However, men, on the other hand, tend to find it difficult to understand why a woman would want a threesome with another man. Women, you have to be especially cautious, because men can be so much more insecure than they admit they are. So, when you do suggest it to your man, you might want to tell him that you are simply an extremely sexual woman (which alone will turn him on) and that you have many sexual fantasies (which will excite him even more), but you have no desire to fulfill any of them without him. That will boost his ego, which will hopefully help him see your suggestion of a threesome from a different prospective, a non-threatening one.

Selecting a Third Party

There are pros and cons in choosing a friend or a stranger. On one hand, you would probably feel more comfortable with someone you know - but on the other hand, you’re taking the chance of possibly ruining that friendship if complications or jealousy arise. Even if the threesome turns out to be successful, it may still make all parties involved feel uncomfortable in the future if it was with a good friend. (Note: I would advise, whether you invite a friend or a stranger to join you, that you’ll still take the same safety precautions.)

So, I do not recommend a threesome with a friend! An acquaintance, however, is a different story. There are some very attractive, clean, well-educated, successful people out there who happen to be very sexual. Just because they are not already a friend of yours doesn’t mean that they are not worthy of being your third person in a threesome.

As far as having a threesome more than once with the same person is concerned, again I would have to say it really depends on the people. It depends if the couple is secure enough, if the third party is non-threatening in any way, and whether or not this is something the couple initially wanted to do it as a one-time experience or if this is something the couple planned to do on a somewhat regular basis. These are topics that simply cannot be generalized, because every situation is different. I’ve had my share of one-time affairs as the guest that worked out great. Yet, I’ve also known various couples throughout the years that I would spend time with regularly, and that worked too. So, you really have to see where the first experience takes you, and all three parties obviously must want the same thing. If the experience was great and there was no jealousy involved, especially if the guest is not a good friend, I would definitely go for it again! So, it truly depends on the circumstances.

Where to Find a Third?

A swing club is a great source to find others who are looking to experiment and fulfill fantasies; they are still out there (although perhaps not as many as there were years ago). To find swing clubs, simply go to any search engine and type the words, “swing club”, once you bypass some of the swing dancing sites, you’ll see many sites that actually refer to sex clubs. Another option is the Personals on the Internet; they too are a great means for finding someone for a threesome. The Internet Personals are not only designed for couples looking for love, they are usually broken down into categories, so you can search for what you are specifically looking for. You can also exchange various photos online first, and you can chat via email or telephone until you feel comfortable enough to meet. Do NOT go to a regular bar or night club and try to pick up someone who you think might be a likely candidate. That’s a really good way to very possibly embarrass yourself, not to mention, get slapped! ?

What's a good place for a threesome?

This is probably the easiest question to answer, and that is … wherever is most convenient for all parties involved. It seems to be more common for the couple to entertain the third person in their home. However, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time that a couple would travel to the third person’s home to be entertained, especially when the couple have children. I guess you can meet at a hotel, but from my many experiences, that’s not too common. Unless, of course, you’re at a swing club, which is the exception to the rule. Now, that can be a really exciting venue for a threesome, or a foursome, or fivesome, etc…. ?


Try not to participate in a threesome with someone you are in love with, or if you know that either of you become jealous easily. Instead, explore some new exciting things that just the two of you can do together in the bedroom, including sex talk about threesomes.

For those of you who are not in love and/or who are planning a threesome for the right reasons, but it’s your first time and have absolutely no clue as to what to do…….believe me, most of it will come naturally! Most times, it’s not planned, it just happens.

One option of a threesome is to make one person the star, and let that person lay back while the other two devour him or her, making the person who is receiving at the time feel like a real prince or a princess! A great idea for a birthday present too! ? However, it’s nice to take turns receiving and giving, so that everyone gets a turn to be a prince or a princess.

A crucial rule is to make sure that no one gets left out!!! Too often a spouse gives more attention to the guest than his or her partner … no, no, no. Trust me; always make sure your partner gets just as much attention as the guest does! Not doing so can literally end a marriage. An easy solution is to take turns in giving and receiving, as mentioned earlier, and be aware of how much time you spend on the guest, because when it’s your partner’s turn to be the prince or princess you want to make sure that he or she receives the same amount of time, maybe even a little more.

The beauty of a threesome, especially when bi-sexuality is a part of it, is that each participant can almost always be giving and receiving at all times. It’s an incredibly hot experience that I believe everyone should consider trying … at least once in their life!

Dirty Talk 101 (Part II)

Now that you should hopefully have awakened your partner’s libido, it is time to put that final touch on. Oh yes! The feature presentation! These are some basics guidelines to keep in mind. Like deep breaths and sounds, your words should also be in sync with the rhythm you have just created. The inhale breath should almost always be heard by your partner and you should speak in the “sexy voice” on the exhale breath. Enunciate all your words to your best degree.

To begin you should focus on these following questions: Which of my partner’s skills or attributes turn me on? How do they make me feel? How am I feeling right now? Dirty talking is mostly concerned with momentous sayings, so you should try to let your instinct carry you. If you feel that your partner is hot, call it as it is: “You are so hot!” If you feel that their touch makes your genitals quiver, say it: “Your touch makes my cock/pussy quiver.” If you feel that you are very hard/wet, state it: “I’m so hard/wet right now.”

However, a good rule of thumb is to avoid the word “because.” You are not writing an essay question. This will avoid sounding dull and it will also add urgency. In a sense, you may be cramming a long portion of a sentence in an exhaling breath so this forces you to say it very quickly, which emphasizes that urge. For example: “You laying there naked makes my cock/pussy hard/wet because I find you to be so irresistible.” You may be feeling this, but this is a bit long. Try separating the fragments with breaths. Long inhale, “You lying there naked,” quick inhale “Makes my cock/pussy hard/wet” inhale “You’re irresistible.” This style sounds more natural than mechanical, which is the intention of good dirty talk.

Another added bonus of separating the sentence is that it allows you to think on the spot. You can simply state something with out wondering whether it’s long enough, or why you feel that way. State the phrase, breathe, and add to it.

To turn up the dirty talking a bit, you should focus on this question: What do I want to happen to my partner or to me? Do not be intimidated. Think about things like foreplay, oral, anal, the use of toys, different positions, being spanked, etc. The answers to this question can be transformed into very naughty phrases. These are all within you, for only you know what you want. Ok, so you can cheat if you really need to: if you draw a complete blank, watching adult films for inspiration is always a possibility. Nevertheless, you should look deep within yourself and bare all your dirty fantasies. “Long inhale, You just got out of the shower, couple breaths, I just want to fuck you until you can’t walk anymore, inhale, Cum/spray all over you, inhale, quivering exhale, inhale, Get you all dirty again.”

After letting out some of your wants and desires, you may want to consider adding some more emphasis on certain subjects. One option is to add those initial sounds as previously mentioned. “Uh, inhale, I want to eat out your pussy/suck your dick, inhale, Ah.” Repetition is used to emphasize the importance of an action. “Pound me! Long inhale, Come on, quick inhale, Pound me! Inhale, Pound me harder!” You can also use adjectives and adverbs. “My nipples want your soft lips to slowly suck them and then bite them hard.”

Using singular adjectives or adverbs can also be a relief from always hearing the combination of an adjective before a noun. Make sure to stress the last syllable in the word to create more of an impact. For example, the word “wet” should be pronounced as “wet-te.” “Long inhale, I love it when I/you push my/your cock so far into you/me, inhale, I feel it touching all your/my walls inside, inhale, warm, inhale, wet, inhale, moist, inhale, tight.”

To avoid sounding redundant with vocabulary, attempt using metaphors. “I want to feel my/your essence leaking out of me.” “I love it when my/your pole reaches the bottom of your/my throat.” “For a more aggressive touch, using cursing can be quite thrilling. Compare “You are such a great lay” to “Holy shit! You are such a great fucking lay!” Other examples are “Fucking bang me harder, bitch/bastard,” “Fucking smack my God-damned ass,” and “Jesus, it just feels so bloody good that I want to fucking cum all over you.” Here you are able to speak louder because these phrases tend to be more aggressive.

Role-playing can also be considered a section of dirty talk because even though you may be acting, there is massive dialogue. Role-playing basically concentrates on acting on your or your partner’s fantasies. This tends to be more difficult because you need to fully understand your fantasies by knowing the role of both you and your partner. For example, you need to know if your partner ought to be dumb, wild, shy, mean, etc. An easy angle to start with is the dominant and submissive roles. You choose one of these roles while your partner must choose the opposing role or vice versa. The dominant figure tends to be more aggressive in their wants and desires. They must take charge: command and demand. “I am going to handcuff you to the bed, and you better not squeal.” “Spread your legs now!” There are two sides of being submissive: the willing and the refusing. As a willing figure, you may decide to either solely perform the actions or perform with the purpose of liking them. If you are a refusing figure, you may decide to perform the commands while begging for mercy or perform after intense threats. In a case you are finding that your partner is having difficulty taking on the role of a dominant figure, you can then ask defiant questions. “What are you going to do if I refuse to even kiss you, never mind suck your cock / eat out your pussy?” If the dominant partner is still not responding, then you answer the questions. “Will he/she smack me, or pin me down?” Here the submissive partner is offering material that the dominant partner would hopefully be able to work with. There are many situations where dirty talking can be used in role playing: nurse and her not-so-sick patient, the student begging for a better grade, a master and his slave, Cleopatra seducing Caesar, popular cheerleader with the average guy, etc. Remember that the trick to having a great role-playing session is to act out exactly what you crave as long as it is to a safe degree.

It is absolutely necessary to practice dirty talking with a partner that you are comfortable with. This will allow you to say exactly what you are striving for and in the end satisfy your wants and needs. Everyone has the potential of being a great dirty talker as long as you remember to work with your own instincts and try to be as natural as possible. The techniques and tips here are not etched in stone so feel free to add your personal style to them and to focus on your partner’s feedback. Please keep in mind that practice makes perfect and that variety is the spice of life.

Phone Sex: ‘alternative’ type of sexual encounter.

Phone sex is probably one of the more common ‘alternative’ types of sexual encounter. Both men and women of many different ages have tried it, but many of us get their first taste of it at a young age, often when at a distance from a partner, keeping in touch by phone.

Phone sex is a fairly ‘safe’ style of alternative sexual contact, as there is no physical risk at all, except for what you do to yourself. Phone sex basically amounts to masturbation while talking to someone on the phone. Of course there is a small risk of having your feelings hurt if someone embarrasses you, but this only usually happens with people you don’t know. Most of us perform phone sex with a known partner, so it’s basically risk free.

Some people find phone sex easier than actual sex. One reason for this might be that, for folks who are a little sensitive or self conscious, it allows them to avoid embarrassment. Others like the fantasy element, where they can imagine the erotic details themselves and set up the perfect sexual fantasy. No matter what the reason, there is much you can do when your partner is unseen.

What you can do when you’re having phone sex is limited only to your imagination. Most people appear to feel that the more creative you get, the better the sex. You could be in any room, doing anything. If you have a cordless hands-free phone, your options multiply. One word of caution – avoid the bathtub. We all know electricity and water don’t mix. As with any form of sex, as long as nobody gets hurt and everything is agreed to, anything goes.

What is important from the start when having phone sex with a partner that you’ve known for a while is to learn each others ‘comfort zones’. What are you comfortable with, and what is a little ‘out there’ for you. Discuss it before hand, and get a little idea of what each of you might like or dislike. Knowing this can make all the difference in the quality of your next encounters.

Although most people think of phone sex as being a ‘guy thing’, especially with the way phone sex ads are set up most of the time, it’s interesting to find that many women enjoy good phone sex as well.

What is ‘good’ phone sex? It is individual for each person, but the gender difference appears to be that while most men enjoy the sound of a woman getting off, making moaning and other sounds of pleasure, women appear to like the psychological element of fantasy with their phone sex partners. But again, it really is a personal choice.

One big question for many people is “How do I bring it up with my partner?” - especially when they are unsure of whether their partner would be interested. To start with, it should be mentioned as casually as possible. Most people are at least a little nervous about talking about sexual preferences with new partners, or even established ones. It’s something to try when the subject of sex is already on the table.

For example, when one partner is going away and someone says ‘I guess we’d better find ways to please ourselves for a while…” you have a great lead in. The important thing is to go into it when the subject of sex is already naturally there. If you don’t try to force it, things should flow more naturally.

Of course, you don’t have to wait for your partner to go far away before you try out phone sex! Try it as a new twist for someone close by. Phone sex makes a great early experiment for couples looking into new ideas.

Icebreakers are a big key. Once you get the ball rolling, the rest tends to follow pretty naturally. You might start by gently describing what you want to do to partner. “You know what’s really nice? When a (woman/man)…” Some people use humor – “If you were here, I’d slap you on the ass and say…” or “I’d slap you on the ass and call you my little…” You fill in the blanks with what sounds good to you. Just think of how you can make a gentle sexy comment to test the waters and let things go from there.

With all this talk about phone sex, there ought to be at least a mention of paid phone sex lines. Yes, paid phone sex can be highly erotic. It’s the reason these lines of lines are so popular – a lot of people enjoy them. The biggest advantage here is that you don’t have to prepare to talk to someone, or break the ice. You get on the line, and they’re ready to go. This might be an option for people wanting to get the flavor of phone sex without the risk of being turned down. It’s also one way of getting to know if phone sex is ‘your kind of thing’, and whether phone sex with an established partner is possible and enjoyable for you.

The downside is, of course, the cost. Paid phone sex is expensive. And there is the added disadvantage of the few ‘bad apples’ that will overcharge and charge for services you didn’t want. You can avoid a lot of this by going with some of the bigger, more established lines. Looking for names of companies that have been around for a while can help you get the most for your money here.

Overall, phone sex can be a great addition to your sexual repertoire, with lots of positives and very few negatives compared to some other types of alternative sex. If you haven’t done so already, give it a try!

What is "fisting"?

This is a basic introduction to fisting, including tips on how to do it and some important safety reminders.

What is "fisting"?

Everyone (well, almost everyone) knows what fingering is. Whether in the vagina or anus, it's tremendously enjoyable to stroke someone inside. (Fingers up a man's anus, if aimed properly, will tickle his prostate gland, which feels AMAZINGLY good... just a little tip!). People are generally comfortable with the idea of fingering with more than one finger, but not as many have been exposed to the idea of inserting a whole hand into the vagina or anus ... which is, in its simplest terms, what fisting is.

Yes, it's anatomically possible, and yes, it CAN be EXTREMELY pleasurable. You generally can get your whole hand inside your partner's vagina, and some people (male and female) are able to accommodate a hand in their anus. For those who are into massive penetration, nothing is a bigger turn-on. No experience is necessary - for either of you; but for vaginal fisting, if your gal pal is a little roomy, or has given birth in the past, you’ll have an easier time. In any case, you need to start off slow and work your way up … pun intended!

A few words of caution before you roll up your sleeves and plunge in: fisting can result in injury to the fistee if not done properly. You do NOT make a fist and ram it home. Fisting is one of the most intimate and complete ways to touch another human being and it is something that has to be worked up to slowly and gently. Not everyone is able or willing to accept fisting … respect that fact and NEVER force participation. In addition, the anus is designed as a one-way system (out) and many members of the medical community argue that any kind of excessive activity that over-stretches the anus can/will result in damage to the area … so, be informed and BE CAREFUL!

There have been many posts about fisting on bulletin boards … talking about the proper technique, the safety concerns, the fantastic feeling of openness and connection, the magical plane that two people fisting can attain ... it's an incredibly intense way to make love.

Trust and communication between partners is essential--and tons of lube helps a lot, too. Respect your partner’s limits and pain threshold. The following guide is intended for consenting adult partners who wish to engage in this act, and we assume no responsibility for possible injuries caused by, or to, those attempting it.

Some safety issues

First of all, cut and file all your nails until every finger is as smooth as it could possibly be. Your fingers will be in some very delicate places -- places that may not have pain receptors. You want to make sure you minimize all chance of causing damage.

Use latex gloves. AIDS is a matter of life and death.

For anal fisting, you will probably want to clean your bottom's GI tract out. What else are enemas for? Be gentle with enemas - warm water is best. DO NOT use detergent in enemas.

Okay, now how do you do it?

  1. Get her/him ready.
    Make sure your partner is relaxed, turned on, and comfortable. When a woman becomes aroused, her vagina relaxes, expands and lengthens; all very important for accommodating a fist.

    For anal fisting, the anus must be similarly relaxed.

  2. Use lube.
    Even the wettest vagina can use some extra juice during fisting; the more, the better. The anus produces no natural lubricant, so an artificial one is MANDATORY! A latex glove can also reduce friction and is a good idea for safer sex purposes.

    Use LOTS (and I mean lots) of lube. Push it in with your fingers. Make a huge mess. Get it all over your hand, the back of your hand, between your fingers. Keep applying it as you go. You can't have too much lube. (And remember, oil-based lubricants dissolve latex).

    Some people like KY jelly - others say it dries out too quickly; Astroglide (available in North America) is a water-soluble lubricant which holds up well to continuous use. In the UK, a substance called "Aqueous Cream" is the crème de la crème. Others use "J-Lube," which is a powdered concentrate that when added to water produces incredibly slippery goo; it's sold in veterinary supply houses! (Some people still use Crisco with latex gloves, on the theory that the Crisco is just the best lube, and the gloves don't break down that fast. This is risky, but it's an option.)

  3. Start slow.
    Start with one or two fingers and work your way up to three and then four. Most people need some time to further relax their muscles, and some may require several stretching sessions, over weeks or even months, before you can actually get your whole hand in.

    Go slowly. Start with one finger and work up. DON'T RUSH. Be sensitive to your partner's feelings. You are trying to persuade part of their body to open for you, to admit part of you deeply inside it. The energy will move back and forth, and you'll ride it, coaxing and pushing, in and out, moving your partner into a trance. Keep communicating with your partner; help them to relax and demonstrate some empathy if they are a little uncomfortable at first.

    If this is anal fisting and your partner’s anus suddenly hits their limit, you'll know; their orifice will clench tight-shut suddenly. DON'T PULL OUT. Stay right where you are until the contraction ends, THEN start pulling out. You can pull a muscle or two if you try to back out in the middle of a reaction like that. If this happens, it's OK; you'll know to go slower next time (if you both want to try again). But assuming all is well...

  4. Duck inside.
    When you reach five fingers, you're almost there. Now is when you want to be most sensitive and most aware. Your partner is going to be flying on pain and pleasure; a sudden flinch and you'll find the vagina or anus doesn't want you anymore. If so, respect that - and pull out (slowly!). But if your partner wants it, then you'll slip your knuckles inside, folding your thumb *inside* your fingers, and your hand will NATURALLY form an elongated fist (think of the shape of a duck’s beak) - you DON'T need to clench your hand or anything else! (Note: be careful with your nails as you form a fist). This makes your hand into a wedge shape that allows you to gradually stretch your partner open as you press on. Apply steady but slow pressure.

  5. Let her/him lead.
    Listen to your partner and let her/him tell you when to push, when to back off, when to add more fingers, and when it’s too much. Fisting can cause muscle and tissue injuries if you go too fast or too hard. Some discomfort during fisting is normal, but you have to take her/his word on the difference between a good hurt and a bad hurt.

  6. All the way in.
    The knuckles are the widest part of the hand and the most difficult part to get past the opening of the vagina/anus. You’ll probably run into resistance at that point. Wait until your partner is ready before making the big push. She/he may be able to help by bearing down (as if giving birth or in a bowel movement). Once your knuckles slip past the ring of muscles around the vaginal/anal entrance, the pressure will ease off. Now roll your hand into a fist.

  7. Voila!
    At this point, your partner may or may not want you to make gentle pumping movements with your hand inside her/him, or stimulate her clit/penis etc. Fisting can produce extremely intense sensations, so ask her/him what feels good. When you’re done, make your hand into the wedge shape again, and gently slide out slowly and naturally!

    Now the real fun begins... explore, entice, pleasure your partner’s vagina or bottom … if you’ve done it right, they should be in heaven!!

Sexual Exhibition

Do you remember as a kid the first time that you stumbled upon a nudist sunning at the local lake, or even your friend’s sister coming out of the shower? Do you remember the rush, the sense of excitement found in that illicit moment? We all have felt that surge of adrenaline of catching or being caught in a compromised position, and there are a whole bunch of thrill-seekers out there who have tapped into this type of excitement, and have created a sexual lifestyle from it.

There are three basic types of exhibitionist-type behavior that you can enjoy with a little guts and gusto. First off there are exhibitionists who wish to display themselves sexually to other people, singly or in groups. Their intent is usually to surprise and/or sexually arouse the viewer, giving the exhibitionist an ego rush. The second is to display themselves and their partner sexually to other people. The third and perhaps most accessible to the general public’s more restrained tastes is sex in a public place, but without the intent to let others see. This version is more about the possibility of being caught than actually the desire to be watched.

The voyeuristic aspects of North America are fairly all pervasive. For example streaking at sporting events has become a common occurrence, and fairly accepted. Paparazzi have demonstrated the public’s almost unquenchable desire for nude or almost nude celebrities, whether on the beach on the French Riviera or on the red carpet in Hollywood.

Even more Extensive evidence of this exhibitionist popularity can be seen with the success of "Mardi Gras Flashing" websites, almost always featuring women (rather than men) voluntarily exposing their breasts, buttocks and/or genitalia. A similar, and more comedic but still overtly sexual, version of the same can be seen in the Girls Gone Wild enterprise.

We all have a small desire to be seen and to perform our sexuality for acceptance and ego boosting. Try it; you never know, you might just love it.

Getting Started

They say that to begin to do something scary you have to visualize it and then start in small increments. There are a number of different ways to acclimate ones self to the eroticism of being naked and exposed in public. By becoming comfortable to the act of exhibiting one’s naughty bits to the world, the pleasure derived from the expectation of discovery can be primary and not hampered by ill preparation. Watching videos that have exhibitionist fantasies can be familiarizing and potentially increase the desire and the wherewithal to carry out the fantasy. Some experts recommend starting off by either being naked in the privacy of a back yard or by making love to your partner with the blinds up, but lights off (this works best at night), so that it seems as though people walking by can see in.

Getting comfortable with the concept is what is important here. So any opportunity, like camping, or nature walks, that have the seclusion to reduce the possibility of being discovered to almost zero, should be capitalized upon. By practicing in this manner you and your partner can warm to the process and the ins and outs.

One way to increase comfort while preparing to perform some public lasciviousness is using masks or costumes. Sometimes it's easier to show off when your sure nobody will recognize you. Whatever it takes, a domino mask, or a full-fledged head mask to make you secure enough to shed your inhibitions and perhaps your clothes.

Another thing to consider is clothing. Sure, raising your shirt, lifting your skirt, or dropping your pants is always great for a quickie, but it's clumsy. To get naked fast you need clothes that come off quick, but they also need to make you look normal when you need. A trench coat is an obvious choice, but during warm weather a light button up dress is even better. Overalls are just as quick to get off, and can be used for basic exhibitionist shows too, if you find you're not ready to go all the way. You can also get tear-away clothes like those used by strippers. They're secured at the seams with Velcro so they can be removed quickly without any effort. If you can’t find such things and are not an expert in sewing, you can always try track pants, also known as tear-away pants.

Experiment with different ideas, keep it simple and try to enjoy it. The most important thing about this process is to remember that practice makes perfect, and that if this is something that arouses you, take it seriously, so that when you venture out into the real world.


Like any new activity you don’t want to climb Everest before you see if you enjoy humping up Kilimanjaro. Before you start humping in the middle of your chemistry class here are a few hints for the novice exhibitionist. When you have graduated from the small stuff, we have suggested a few more risky intermediate locations. Finally, as the student becomes the teacher you own creativity will be tested. We have sketched the details but have left the master ‘strokes’ up to you.


Not all of these suggestions are meant to be places or ways to have sex with your partner. Some are simply fun and exciting ways to show off a little skin and get comfortable with exhibition in general.

Joy-Riding – This is a great beginner, whether it is just getting naked in a moving car, or doing a little heavy petting while you or your lover is driving, the exposure is minimal and allows for easy getaways.

Off-Roading - Beside a busy highway is a great novice spot to show off your goods. The best is if you can find somewhere adjacent to a highway, like an access road or something that overlooks the highway but is inaccessible from the main road. This will reduce the exposure and contact with people. So if you want to do a little flashing, or a bit of bumping and grinding, this is a fun way to do it without risking too much. It is nice as well because you can choose location based on distance from the highway, close for more exposure and little further for the faint of heart.

Skinny Dipping - This is a great way to practice taking it off outside of the home, if you can find a private place that is secluded enough for your liking.

All Aboard: Lover’s Lane - Once people get settled in their seats they don't often move around. Choose a quiet time of the day, and wait until your train has moved off. Then start the show. Having a woman who can show off breasts or lift their skirts can be very arousing and easy to conceal. Using digital stimulation is easy in this situation without getting caught. Of course, you can vary the danger depending on the time of day, so that it is busier, with more people about.


Take the following suggestions as hints for increasing both the risk and fun of exposing yourself and your lover to the rest of the world. The more flesh the more fun.

Don’t Freak the Fish - A great place to get scandalous is in the water. Many times you can find beaches with varying degrees of population. The water provides great cover, and you can literally make whoopee in front of hundreds of people without them ever being the wiser, though some discerning beach goers may get what is going on.

Why, is That Acrylic or Oil you Wearing? - This is a great one for the solo- female exhibitionist, and even her voyeuristic partner. You can buy cheap body paint in toy shops, and a little bit of practice should result in a reasonable facsimile of a bikini top... People 'see' the bikini; they don't see that there isn't one.

Try Her on for Size - Go into a change room but leave the curtain just slightly open, so that if someone is at the right angle, they might be able to see into it. There are lots of levels of daringness here; the extent to which the curtain is left open and what you two are doing in there. You can go from just being nude to all out naughtiness.

When the Moon hits Your Eyes… - Start going out late at night. Especially in the summer, cool night air is lovely against the skin. Try walking along the road with nothing on under a light coat. Find somewhere comfortable to disrobe and then use your imagination. You can start by just being naked and move on to more adventurous things.

Just a walk in the woods - Take a walk in the woods, off the beaten track. It is good a place to get serious about exhibitionism since anyone who stumbles on you two will probably not be too disturbed.

There’s Enough Room for Two!... - Photo booths are not just for taking photographs to put into your passport!

Dirty Talk 101

You are laying beside your partner, feeling their naked skin caress yours. Their chest rises with every whisper of a breath. You can feel their warm lips against your neck, and all of sudden, the sexually enticing words rush through your body like a jolt of energy. Have you wanted to unleash that wild side of yours through dirty talking, but haven’t found the courage, or don’t even know where to start? Here we have gathered techniques to teach beginners exactly how to do so. There are tips for breathing, body movements, sounds and the actual phrases themselves. The most important thing about talking dirty is how you say it, rather than what you say!

Creating Mood

For some, the first attempt at talking dirty with a partner can seem to be quite awkward. To eliminate some of that initial embarrassment, you should mention both the idea of the experiment to your partner as well as the limit of your desired kinkiness. The latter is created to help avoid a negative reaction from your partner in case you go “buck-wild” too quickly and cross their own personal boundaries. However, this chat should not occur directly before the incident; this could create massive unwanted pressure. Let’s face it – most people do not want be in the bright spot light when beginning to speak dirty.

Creating a sensual mood is an essential basic to letting that naughty side out of you. No, no - - put that Barry White CD down! The aura I have in mind could be considered a little peculiar, for it consists of a rhythm of breaths and body movements, rather than the soft music and candles, as most would expect. Yet you can also use those if you feel it adds to turning you on. This aspect is the most important part of dirty talking, because it is not what you say, but how you say it. You could say the dirtiest thing in the world and yet sound as sexy as an electronic encyclopedia.


Stabilizing your respiration is quite significant for it distinguishes the difference between speaking normally, and talking dirty. You should begin by imitating the deep breaths you take in the doctor’s office as he/she listens to your lungs. You have the option of breathing through your nose, mouth or both. If decide to breathe through your mouth, you do not want to form a large “o” shape with your lips. Come on, you are not a pet waiting for a treat from its owner. Instead your mouth should be slightly open, no bigger than the point of your index finger. This seems to produce a more appealing expression

The speed of the breaths should co-ordinate with the progression occurring from body movements, foreplay or intercourse. If you are about to make sensual love, then the breaths should be slow, and if you are about to imitate a wild rabbit gone mad, then the breaths would obviously be faster.

After accomplishing a stable beat, you should be examining the sound of your respiration. Most importantly, your exhaling should faintly die off. If the exhale breath stays one tone, it could seem abrupt and almost forced. To help you visualize the sound of this breathing technique, picture a roller coaster. As it shimmies up the tracks, you inhale. As it pauses for a mere half a second at the top, so do you. Then as it coasts down the tracks until slowing down for the next hill, you make the initial part of the exhaling breath a little loud and then slowly become quiet. You may want to consider practicing this routine when you are by yourself.

Adding Sounds

Once you feel comfortable with this breathing technique, you can begin to make sounds as you exhale. These sounds should usually be instinctive and relaxed such as “uh,” “ah,” “oh,” or “mmm.” Here you are able to comfortably drop your jaw to widen your mouth if wanted. Do not analyze these sounds; there is no need to worry whether you are making a correct sound. If you unsure, a good rule is that you can rarely go wrong with vowels rather than some awkward consonant. For example, perhaps you choose the sound “bah;” you will ultimately sound like one very naughty, moaning sheep.

The trick with these sounds is that you are not being loud; actually you are being quite faint. The desired outcome is for your voice to barely seep out. Technically, this is speech sound articulated by a momentary closing of the glottis in the back of your throat, hence restricting the airflow. In laymen terms, you are making a murmur sound or a loud whisper. This is also commonly known as a “sexy voice.” If you are having difficulty reaching this volume, imagine being backstage at a play. All of a sudden, the main character draws a blank and completely forgets all his lines. It is entirely up to you to whisper the lines loud enough for the actor to hear, but not loud enough for the audience to hear.

Adding Body Movements

To perfect the rhythm, you now want to add body movements. Desirably, the body movements should be in perfect harmony with your respiration; the body movement should begin and end when a breath begins and ends. As you inhale, your chest should ever so slightly rise in an upward and diagonally out motion. Naturally, your shoulders will delicately move backwards and your upper back should arch with this motion.

There are many different techniques for exhaling. You can simply let your chest, shoulders, and upper back return to their original positions. This can resemble a relieving motion. Another option is to add a subtle pelvic thrust. As you inhale, let your lower back arch so your pelvis and buttocks are being pushed outwards. Your abdominal muscles are being elongated. As you exhale, squeeze your buttocks and bring your pelvis forward in a scooping motion, from a side angle, until back to its original position.

To add some difficulty to these movements, try adding an abdominal contraction as you are about to make the scooping motion. A contraction is the tensing of muscles. An abdominal contraction resembles the same motion your abs make if they are about to be unexpectedly punched; your shoulders move a little forward as the abs are pushed against your back. Ultimately, the contraction should make your pelvis finish the scooping motion by delicately going upwards and back down to its original state. From a side view, the path of your pelvis should resemble the digit, “six.”

For those looking for even more difficulty, let the quiver of the contraction be heard in the exhale breath. This sound can be quite sexual, for you can tie it to dirty talking concerning ejaculation. Even though all these movements are critical, you do not want to overdo the actions. You aren’t trying to get the attention of a plane. Keep it subtle or you’ll be doomed to the funky chicken dance.

You can also add other smaller body movements to the rhythm such as the arching of your neck, the closing of your eyes, and the clenching of your hand or the biting of your bottom lip.

Auto Fellatio History, Current Practice


It sits on the horizon of man’s perfection, alone, holding the key to a life of bliss, free of stress and drama. It sits just out of reach, just beyond our ability to grasp it and enter the nirvana that we feel is due us. No we are not talking about enlightenment, world peace, or cold fusion; we are speaking of that widespread desire of males to give themselves a blowjob. Attainable to only the most talented yoga masters or well-endowed porn stars, autofellatio still stands as a source of lore, legend and urban myth. It is the height of masturbatory fantasy for some men, a morbid fascination for others and shied away from by others as a challenge to their heterosexuality.

Whatever your position on the topic of autofellatio, entire websites have been dedicated to both the most pornographic representations of the deed and its most artistic. Entire galleries in New York have been reserved for shows depicting the male form self-servicing in a wide array of locales. So why the massive interest here? We can see the roots of this absorption in this peculiarly difficult form of masturbation in history and in our particular sexual desires.

Men like fellatio. This is true, with some exception, en masse. They like the control, the eroticism of the removed source of pleasure and, obviously, the pleasure of a mouth on their genitals. Here is the disconnection from reality. In most cases self -blowing is incredibly uncomfortable, as exemplified in the Kevin Smith movie Clerks where a man dies, breaking his neck, during an attempt to get his mouth all the way to his penis. Though most likely not based on any factual basis, the point stands - bending in half to suck your penis probably is not the most sensual experience. It seems then that perhaps autofellatio is exactly what it seems, just a dream - a funny sexual fantasy that few can do and even less actually enjoy.

Auto fellatio History

Autofellatio has had a history fraught with mythological god-behavior, and forbidden desire. In Victorian England many historical paintings depicting such acts were vandalized and led to the restriction of a thorough history of autofellatio from being widely publicized. Despite this, evidence of this sex act can be located as far back as ancient Egypt.

Archaeologists have found hieroglyphs and ancient paintings featuring men performing autofellatio. Academic David Lorton says that many ancient texts refer to autofellatio within the religious mythology of Egypt. He also notes that autofellatio was performed during rituals as a result of the sun god Ra’s mythological birthing technique. Ra is said to have created Shu and Tefnut (Egyptian gods) by sucking himself into orgasm and then spitting his semen on the ground.

Egyptologists still argue about the translation of some hieroglyphs and the meaning of divine blowjobs. Some experts feel that the ancient wall paintings mean that Horus, son of the god Osiris, maintained cosmic order by ingesting his own semen and thus keeping the stars in their places. Despite this debate as to the meaning of these hieroglyphs, there seems to be ample evidence that self-fellatio was at the very least a topic of discussion in Egypt.

Current practice

From art galleries in the Upper East Side, to the porn studios of van Nuys California, perhaps the most famous spectacle of autofellatio is the adult star; Ron Jeremy. Though it may be hard to believe, Mr. Jeremy, widely accepted as the king of porn, used to be quite thin. In the 1970’s a number of adult films were released showing Ron blowing himself . He notes in a modern day interview, that it was less for pleasure and more for the fact that it was so freakish.

Ior Bock, a Finnish rock musician, has talked openly about his own ability to autofellate. This practice seems to be rooted deeply in Finnish tradition, and is called “saunasolmu” or in English the “sauna knot.” The name likely comes from the practice of getting it on with yourself in the warmth of a sauna, which would relax and soften the muscles, allowing for greater ease of access!

Another interesting place that our enthrallment with autofellatio has taken us to is rib removal and ease of access. Probably the most common source for this urban legend is embodied in Marilyn Manson. The story goes like this: Marilyn Manson had a rib removed to make it possible to fellate himself. This rumour also circulated about Prince, and in another context Cher. In an investigation of this rumour it is clear that in no part of the western world has elective rib removal ever been recorded. This, obviously, is not to say that it could not have been done in secret, but there is no evidence of such a surgery ever being performed.

So with the right combination of flexibility and penile length, the feat is possible. Whether natural selection had something to do with it, ie all the self-suckers never bothered finding a mate, or not, the fact of the matter is it would take the average man years if not decades to be able to enjoy even the bare basics of fellatio. If we may suggest, the best way to get more fellatio is to get better at cunnilingus!

Q & A: I'm interested in having a really large cum shot.

Q. I'm interested in having a really large cum shot. Is it diet, special exercises, or just abstaining for a few days? My orgasm doesn't seem to be any bigger even when I haven't had an orgasm for a few days.

A. Well, yes and no. In a young man, 24 hours, at most, will give as large a shot as you will have. The first ejaculation of the evening will be a little larger and more forceful than subsequent ones. You cannot squirt out more than you have in you and the storage facilities are limited. When they fill up, it leaks out with urine or you have a wet dream. I know of no way to make the storage capacity of the prostate larger.

Q. ok you guys im in a horrible situation.... first off im 17 and have trouble getting it up... it jsut doesnt stay up long and i dont orgasm or anything. and when i am up and i am getting oral sex its just an uncomfortable "i have to pee" kind of a sansation... advice please?? this has happened time and time again with different girls.

A. See your doctor. He will have heard this tale before and likely will do some checking. If he brushes you off, find another doctor. It could be a physical problem and that has got to be ruled out first. If he finds nothing wrong, then you have to ask whether you are really ready or just looking for sex because you think it is the thing to do.

Q. Hi I really like the site. I find it easier emailing this type of a question than speaking to someone face to face. It is about my penis. I am 17 and am still a virgin. I am very scared that when the time come for me to have sex with a partner that I will not live up to her expectations. I constantly see in movies about women joking about that a man that they know, has a small penis, and therefor won't be able to pleasure her. My penis just makes 6 inches and bends to the left. I have been to a doctor about this bending and he told me that it was in the ''normal'' range. As well as my penis being small it is flat and not circular. It is a decent size width, but not depth. I have a flat penis. The shaft is not straight as it has a notch 2 inches up which causes more of a bend.

Another thing that women in movies joke about are the fact that a man's penis was bent. I am very embarrassed that my penis is not at all normal because it is small, flat and bent. I feel that a women will never be-able to have a good time while making love to me. Am I getting worried over nothing or do I have a doomed sex life. Thank you, Dave

A. I believe that you are worrying unnecessarily. If my self-image were dependent upon looking like Julia Roberts, I would be in deep trouble. The movies use very attractive persons to portray very ordinary people. There are those women in real life who may joke about a man’s penis. But not often. It is not that important to us.

If your doctor finds that you are in the normal range, women will, too. Each one looks a bit different from any other but no big deal. The first time you have sex you probably will not measure to your own expectations. I was most disappointed but not my boyfriends ineptness. I did not know whether it was good or bad but it certainly was not the big deal I expected. As I learned what was going on, it got better. As men I was with had had a bit of practice, it got better. The doubts you are experiencing are quite normal and will make you a better lover in the long run.

Q & A: My wife wants me to watch her screw another guy.

Q. My wife wants me to watch her screw another guy. We have been married for 18 years and have a great relationship. She claims she has never cheated on me and I do believe her. I do not know if this is the beginning to the end if I let her or is this the beginning of great things to come. I guess my question is do you find that this is detrimental to a relationship or is it ok?

A. As a physician, the human values involved here are out of my purview. As a person, if my partner said, I really want to get it on with somebody else but it is ok because I want you to watch, I would be more than a little concerned.

The only person that can decide whether it is ok is you. Some people are big fans of swinging, others aren't... Ask yourself if you could live with seeing it and knowing about it, as well as if there is something you would like to do in trade.

For the meantime, tell her that you want some time to think it through because there will be no going back afterwards. Think about it for at least a week and let her know your terms.

Q & A: Problem With Not Getting Wet Enough During Sex

Q. My woman is almost 40 and she tells me that at that age their sex drive increases dramatically and I need to be prepared for it. I have questioned her as far as "what do you think you will need to satisfy this upcoming "urge", and her answer is many Vibrators. I am not a very jealous man, I wonder though. Any insight would be appreciated.

A. I am not aware of systematic studies to show that, but many women do have a renewed sexual interest when the pressures of child rearing and house keeping are reduced. Women are considered to reach the apex of their sexual appetite around 30-35. The male libido (and capability) peaks in the late teens / early twenties, and begins to slow around this age. You better brush up on your “other” techniques, and maybe start hitting the gym to get your cardio up there.

Please Let us know how it goes.

Q. I have tried fingering myself many times but every time I do it i can only stick about 1 inch of my finger in my vagina because it wont go in further or maybe im too scared. Can you please help me with my problem? Thank You Please write me back right now because I would like to try your advice

A. Get yourself some good non-alcohol body lotion (Nivea, Neutrogena or similar). Get relaxed in a place where there is little chance of interruption and spend at least twenty minutes massaging your genitals. Cover every spot and follow your instincts. At least once a day and in a short while, I believe that this problem will be gone.

Q. I am a woman in her late 20's, I have always had a problem with not getting wet enough during sex, even during an orgasm. Is this normal for women, is there anything that I can do to change this?

A. There are many personal lubricants on the market simply because many of us need them. K-Y and Surgilube are two common ones and there are some available on this site.

Q. I wanna start by saying that your site is EXTREMELY helpful and has helped me out a lot!

I need a little help in the whole hymen area. A few days ago i was gently/moderatley fingering my girlfriend with no more than 1 finger and at times with 2. We were at it for 30 mins i believe. She told me she loved it and felt awesome like all the other times i have done it. Afterwards i noticed blood on my fingers. The morning after we talked about it and she told me that she had pains and some bleeding. After a few days the pain went aways and she's feeling fine. I told her that i think it was her hymen that finally came off. Since then i have fingered her a couple times and no blood has come out at all. I just wanted to know if that was normal and if she will ever have this problem again. What would really help is the whole background info. on the hymen and what should be expected of it.

A. Well there is only one hymen and when it is gone, it is gone. The hymen is an annular tissue that rings the vaginal entrance. It is open in the middle and allows the menstrual juices to flow out. In those very rare instances where it is fully closed, medical assistance is needed. Most women in the modern world have the hymen ruptured (entirely too strong a word) through sport, the use of tampons or introducing other objects (your finger) into the vagina. It can be totally gone or, perhaps, just a major part of it and there will still be some remaining.

No more hymen; no more problem; no more blood.

Q. I recently started using a clitoral stimulant called Viacreme. As a result with, clitoral stimulation I have actually been squirting fluid during orgasm. I have been able to achieve this multiple times. I have never experienced such a thing. Can you explain where the fluid is coming from assuming my bladder is empty at the beginning of lovemaking and is what they mean by a female cumming.

A. There is still a possibility that it is urine. Smell it. The other possibility is that it is from Skene’s glands. Female ejaculation is not completely understood but this site and many others discuss it in some detail. The viacreme could be helping directly, or acting as a placebo. With so many sexual products on the market today, it is difficult to tell which ones actually help. Have your partner do a blind application of lube one time and viacreme the other, let us know if it really helps.

Q. My question is are there physical changes the body goes through since I am no longer having sex?


A. At a young age, no. After menopause, there may be some subtle changes as the vagina would lose resiliency (without exercise) and frequently become quite dry.

Q. I am a 21 year old female. I have never had sex and I have no desire to right now.

Is that normal?

A. I dislike the words normal and natural as applied to sex. Fifty percent of women in the English speaking world have their first intercourse between their 18th and 20th birthdays. Obviously, some start earlier and some, later. You would be within one standard deviation of the mean age and that makes you normal.

There are many reasons for a woman not getting sexually involved earlier than your present age. No one (man or woman) rang her chimes is the most common. If you are concerned, speak with your gyn. She (and this is much easier to discuss with another woman) can rule out any physical reason. I would urge you to do this and then relax and let it happen.

Q & A: I heard Sex Hurts Really Bad the First Time

Q. My girlfriend is a virgin, as am I. She has had one boyfriend, but they did not progress past kissing. I cannot get her to orgasm. I have tried everything on the web site. Really. I do not wish to have sex with her, but it seems as though that may be the only way, and right now it is not an option. She likes everything I do, and says it is not disappointing, but I would like to take her all the way. I have used: multiple fingering techniques (inside and outside), oral stimulation, g-spot plus anal stimulation, and some clitoral stimulation. However, she cannot take direct or even some indirect clitoral stimulation. It makes her shake, and she is not in pain, but she says it is uncomfortable. She says that it doesn't feel like she is moving toward orgasm. She has never had an orgasm. She has never brought herself to that point and apparently neither have I. I am wondering if there is anything I could try short of buying some $50 female sensitivity enhancer. Anything you can tell me about how I can get her there and/or a reason why a virgin 19 year old cannot seem to get to orgasm despite her boyfriend's best efforts would be much appreciated.

A. Let’s start by making very clear that your efforts are not what will make her achieve orgasm. About 25% of women never achieve an orgasm. While many women find vibrators to be helpful, most learn to masturbate with their own ten fingers. If she does not know what to ask for from you, you will become very frustrated trying to please.

We each must take responsibility for our own sexual response and this appears to have become a problem for you, not her. If she is not interested enough to figure it out, you cannot resolve it for her.

Incidentally, vaginal intercourse is not likely to create an orgasm when the other techniques have not.

Q. Umm i have some questions. i have had sex only once and i want to do it agin with this new guy but he is a lot bigger than the first guy i slept with so is there something i could do so it would be less painful? Plus can you give me some ideas on how to make it unbelievably fun for him?/ It doesn't have to be great for me at first so any ideas?? Thanks

A. Women can take them of all sizes with no problem. Just make certain you have sufficient lubrication, either your own or with a little commercial help. After the first time there is usually no pain other then caused by friction, just start slowly.

It will be unbelievably fun for him. Trust me. As you gain experience you will learn the tricks. Right now concentrate on the basic mechanics, read up on the foreplay, pleasing him, and intercourse sections here on sexinfo101.

Q. i heard sex hurts really bad the first time. is there anything that i can do to reduce the pain? thank you

A. For some, it hurts; others not. I have never experienced pain in intercourse except when I was too dry and allowed things to be rushed. If you are a tampon user, the hymen is likely stretched sufficiently that there will be little pain. You can stretch yourself with your fingers or some toy (I have an old cologne bottle that is perfectly shaped) to reduce the likelihood of pain or bleeding, and use lubrication.

Q. my girlfriend and i have had sex 6 times over the last 6 months.she has never felt any type of sexual pleasure during sex.she can feel my penis moving inside the vagina but no sexual pleasure or sensation.why is she not feeling pleasure during sex?please help

A. Many women do not. It is a learned skill and there is not much you can do about that unless she is interested in developing her own response. It is important that women learn to masturbate. Through that we learn how our bodies respond. Does she feel any pleasure from clitoral play?

Q. Hi, I need your help. Me and my boy-friend have been together for 2 years, and we don't do it that much do to never getting time alone, but when we do get to do it, we always are in a hurry because my parents might come home. And he can't last that long either. And one other thing, how can i get him to be like the people in the movies. You know, so good, and romantic?? please write back

A. If I knew how to make men be romantic, I may not be single! But I can make some suggestions to slow him down. The romancing will come when you educate him that that is what turns you on. It would be handy for you to find a place where you can take your time. It is hard to be romantic hearing, “Hurry up, the folks may walk in.” That simply generates in him the need for release – quick. And I doubt that you are much enjoying the sex.

In a more private place, during foreplay, jack him off. Young men are usually good for several ejaculations in an evening and getting that first one out of the way will encourage him to take a little time meeting your needs. As a teen I made it a habit to always jack off my b/f at least once making it clear that I wanted more – in me.

Q & A: I Have Not Experienced an Orgasm (Vaginal or Clitoral) Yet

Q. I'm an 18-year-old girl and have just recently gone off to college and gotten my first boyfriend. Before I met him, I considered myself a prude who would sexually move "at a snail's pace." Over the months, I've shown otherwise, and have slowly begun to realize my own sexuality. We have had sexual relations (no intercourse), and I have gotten him to orgasm every time, but I have always been unable to achieve orgasm despite my boyfriend's determined attempts. He suggests it was because I had never gotten myself to orgasm, and I agree with him.

Now that I'm home for winter break, I decided to take this time away from him to explore this unknown front. I masturbated for the first time while lying in bed a few days ago. It was going really well until I get to a point where the feelings were so intense that I had to pause for a moment. A few seconds later, when I had regained myself, I found I could not continue with the self-pleasure. In such a short period of time, it seemed I had "cooled off" enough to not want to continue.

I tried again in bed the very next night, but the same thing happened. By this time, I was getting a little frustrated. I gave it a rest for a few days.

My third attempt was tonight in the shower with a hand-held showerhead. It was feeling incredible, the best yet, until the same thing happened. I tried to force myself to continue, but to my surprise I was no longer feeling intense pleasure; every touch seemed too sensitive to feel good. This got me thinking: Every time this has happened, I had felt quick involuntary contractions down there at the height of pleasure which cause me to pause, leading to the cool-down. The first two times the movement was so subtle that I thought nothing of it. Sometimes my leg muscles twitch during sexual activity, and I thought maybe this was the same thing. But tonight it was stronger, and considering the timing, I'm beginning to think that these muscle contractions ARE my orgasm.

But I read something once that said that if you don't know whether you've ever had an orgasm, then you haven't. I always thought that if you had an orgasm, that you would KNOW. If this is so, and I really have gotten myself to orgasm, then why am I so uncertain? The muscle spasms didn't contribute to my pleasure. The masturbation would have felt great with or without the spasms. The spasms seem like a resultant at a climatic time, rather than the climax itself. If this is really what an orgasm is, than I'm left thinking, "Okay, I now understand why masturbation is great, but what's the big deal with orgasm?" If this is not orgasm, than what is it, and how do I get past it? Any suggestions?

A. The identifiable part of the female orgasm are contractions in the lower abdomen. Mainly the sphincter muscles. Each orgasm for each woman is unique. OK, we each have certain patterns but they run from wild and earth moving to gently rising and then slipping back down. You are likely generating orgasm through your masturbation. Variety and greater pleasure will likely.

Q. I am 30 yrs. old and have not experienced an orgasm (vaginal or clitoral) yet. HOW do I do this?

I am currently going through a divorce from a man that I faked every orgasm with for the last ten years. I can't beleive he couldn't tell I was faking! And as for oral sex, well he totally sucked (well, not literally) at that cuz I NEVER experienced the pleasure of release. In addition, masturbation was out of the question so I've never learned the proper technique.

I think I was close recently during a sexual experience with a good friend. However, we have not had the opportunity to revisit this "happy place" since this person wants to focus on other areas of his life at this time.

Please HELP!

A. Well, you are with a significant minority of women. It sounds like sex was never very good and you simply never learned to enjoy it. Too bad. The good news is that you now know that you do have the capacity. As time separates you from the negative and you have feelings of true desire with others, things will likely run their natural and pleasant course.

I do not understand how masturbation was out of the question. That is your own experience for whenever and wherever we wish. Try it; it is the best orgasm trainer there is. Once you experience orgasm yourself you will know what works and what it feels like. It greatly enhances success with a partner.

The last concern has to do with this faking orgasms for ten years business. Although faking an orgasm on a rare occasion can be beneficial, this action does more damage then good. For ten years, your partner thought he was doing what it took to get you off... You can't blame him for sucking in this case, only yourself for giving him a false impression.

Q. My partner suffers from retarted ejaculation. He keeps an erection FOREVER, but is unable to cum. How can I help him?

A. First by having him see a urologist and insure that there is no medical problem. Then talk to him about what his fantasies may be and what he does during masturbation or with other partners that has set him off. There are those who ejaculate readily in a vagina but not a mouth or vice versa. Or while having their scrotum cuddled firmly or with massage of the perineum.

Keep experimenting and trying new things, but try not to put pressure on him as it won't help.

Q. i was just wondering how do you know when a women actually has a orgasm? do some girls even feel the orgasms? does the women actually gets really wet around the vagina area?

A. About one-quarter of women never have orgasms. Most of us fake it once in a while for a variety of good and bad reasons. You will likely never know the difference. We do feel our orgasms, big time. The wetness varies from woman to woman and that is natural lubrication that we generate to become more receptive. Often, especially when using condoms, a little added lubrication is helpful.

Q. I have a question and I was looking for some advice.

I have been dating a girl for about 3 months now and we have had sex a few times. The few times that we had sex we both didn't have an orgasm, because of other interruptions and we had been going at it for some time and we both ran out of steam....I just recently found out from her that she has never had an orgasm while having sex. I have never been faced with this problem with any other women I have been with. I was wondering if you had any advice to help aid me in increasing the chances of giving her an orgasm. is there any technique that I can do or change that would help with this.

thank you for your time and help looking forward to hearing from you

A. About half of all women rarely experience orgasm from penile thrusting and nearly a quarter never have an orgasm. Sounds to me like you better find out what she really likes (oral, digital, breast play). Many of us are most receptive right after orgasm. My preference is that he enter me immediately following an orgasm.

Q. I have been involved with my guy for a few months now and just recently found out that it makes him feel inadequate when I don't have an orgasm without clitoris stimulation or that it takes me a while to reach my climax. Is this a common problem and is there something else we can try. He has tried on numerous occasions to give me orgasm without clitoris stimulation, but every I think I'm close to orgasm it doesn't come. Please let me know what we can do, we are very serious in our relationship and I don't want this to affect it.

A. You are better off than that 25% of women who never experience orgasm and with the majority of us who need a little help beyond penile thrusting. Talk it out. His feelings of inadequacy are his, not yours. If he is not willing to accept the realities of female sexuality, maybe you should be less serious. If he claims that his other partners always came from penile thrusting alone, they were good fakers and he is gullible.

Q. My girlfriend has a tendency to have a very quick orgasm-usually 10-15 minutes into foreplay-she says its her form of instant gratification. It must be my talented hands and tongue. But after her orgasm, she quickly loses interest in sex. Physically much of her upper body (and private parts) becomes very sensitive, even ticklish to the point of discomfort. I tend to enjoy longer sessions (40-60 minutes) before climaxing. Previous girlfriends were very very happy with these hour long bouts of passion.

Is this a physical or psychological problem for her? Any suggestions?

A. It does not sound like a problem for her at all! Considering that about a quarter of all women never experience an orgasm, she is likely happy as a clam. Now, about your problem. If she is the faster, do you first by hand, mouth or vagina and then continue on with her. That lengthens the time that you will be experiencing stimulation and might well give you a couple orgasms.

The hypersensitivity is not at all unusual. In some women it is more focused in the genitalia than in others but most of us experience a bit after orgasm. I experience it myself to a lesser degree but for me, and many women, that is when we are most receptive and relaxed and want it in now. Do not look for normal in our sexual response. We each vary time to time and year to year. And we certainly are different from one another.

Q. I have read about classes that couples or single women can take to learn how to have an orgasm through intercourse with a certified instructor...have you heard of them, and if so, where can I find more info on them? Thanks

A. In the phone directory of any major European or N. American city you will find them under therapists. Check them out with your doctor or friends or psychologist. There are charlatans in the field but there are also legitimate practitioners. The legitimate ones will not be having intercourse with you but will guide you. You do not identify your gender but if you are a woman, learn to masturbate. Therapy should be considered after you've tried everything you can on your own. Read up on the tips on this site, as the information is very helpful.