Anyone can have 9.5 second sex. In fact, a lot of people already do - not just politicians like Paddy Panstdown, sorry Ashdown. But it is difficult. It's all very well getting creative with ice cubes and erotic cuisine when you have 9.5 weeks but what about if you've only got 9.5 seconds?
The answer is to think dirty. Men and women are brilliant at this. Some women don't even need 9.5 seconds of physical contact to reach the big O - they can pull it off simply by fantasizing about sex.
You can use modern technology to fire up his emotions. Mobile phones are now connecting people in more intimate ways than ever before. Forget telephone sex, text sex is the latest craze. If you have flexible fingers, it won't take long to use the numerical pad to tell your lover exactly what you're going to do to him during those breathless 9.5 seconds.
The main thing to remember is not to waste any of your precious time when your fella comes home, so learn the stairwell strip. Shoes removed in the hall, tops should be off by the third step, trousers or skirts should be unfastened by the last step and left to fall with undergarments on the landing. Socks should stay on, this is no time for romance!
Throw yourself onto the bed and foreplay may commence on immediate contact with "By heck pet, you look gorgeous!". When it's all over and done with, you can sit back, relax and get on with the rest of your day.
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